Coaching With Me

I've lived this ever-awakening trail for many years

And as I've moved through Life ruptures, I've alternately worked with a therapist who I perceived as unfeeling and judgmental, to a therapist who loved me like a daughter and perhaps blurred the therapeutic lines a bit

I've worked with a coach who I realize I had established in the role of a strict corporate manager over me (in my unconscious desire to retain structure after my leaving my corporate job)—and she acted like one

And then I worked with a coach who charged obscenely high prices and seemed to operate with seductive, manipulative, smoke-and-mirrors energy

And finally I worked with a coach who met me at our shared humanity and nursed me back to trust in my vocation of coaching

Through—and because of—all of these experiences, I've grown into a woman, and a coach—who can deeply, intimately and compassionately hold herself—as well as others

And who teaches those people to hold themselves, too

Read on to learn more about what it's like to coach with me

~~

My coaching, at it’s core, is a deep commitment to helping people determine what direction they want to live their lives, and helping them live it.

It honors what I’ve come to learn about myself—that I contain both light and dark, that I’m both Masculine and Feminine energy.

The Masculine part of my coaching is the structure that we enact in each session—more on that in a bit.

The Feminine is what emerges from your unique being, and our coming together in each session.

It’s the flow

It gets stoked by our being-in-the-moment, being vulnerable and real, knowing that the work we do together impacts us and ripples out into our lives

For we are creating
A new way of Being
A new way of seeing

As only the Feminine can do

~

The Masculine is the structure that holds our Feminine in flow, discovery, intimacy, surrender and presence in each session.

The Masculine is like a trail map, to guide us on the journey.

This map entails :

~1~ Discovering the valued Life directions you'd like to travel in

~2~ What stops you when you start moving in your valued directions

~3~ Learning effective skills to move through those obstacles

~4~ Taking committed action

~5~ Assessing whether you are still on the desired trail

~1~

In the first phase, the desired directions that we typically focus on are partnership, purpose and yourself.

We then discover what that means to you. And so we focus on the direction and the quality of your action as you head in that direction, instead of focusing on goals, like a finding a partner or a purpose.

We discover the sort of person you'd like to be, what you want to stand for in life, how you'd like to relate to a partner, a purpose and yourself.

Once we know this, long and short term goals are created—only in service to your desired Life directions. (See Life directions for more about values vs. goals).

~2~

In the second phase, we encounter the obstacles that show up as you begin creating action steps for the purpose of moving in your desired directions.

We treat obstacles as normal and only to be expected!

It doesn't mean that you are weak, or not good enough, or doing it wrong or on the incorrect path if you encounter inner blocks.

Your mind evolved to keep you safe above all else and when you begin to step out of your comfort zone, it will throw up challenge after challenge.
 

~3~

When these inner obstacles show up, we enter the third phase.

We take time to be with the obstacles that show up as you create your valued action steps in session. Again, there is nothing wrong with them appearing! We know that they will inevitably appear when we start to take action that's meaningful.

And yet, if we are no longer ignoring them or trying to get rid of them, we can move forward with greater power. Denying obstacles creates lack of focus, loss of time and can lead us way off our paths, sometimes for years.

Once we meet the obstacles undefended, we can then learn skills to handle them. We learn that we can still move forward, despite the blocks appearing.

These skills allow us to relate differently to painful thoughts, feelings and memories that stand in the way of living a vital Life.

~4~

In the fourth phase, we bring ever sharpening attention to our value-driven actions.

We notice the obstacles that show up in the moment as we take action in our own lives and how we relate to them. And as we grow in attention and presence, we also become aware of all the favorable things that happen when we live as the people we'd like to be and in alignment with what we'd like to stand for in life.

This ensures that we will live our values again and again.

 
~5~

Each time we meet, we enter the fifth phase—how are you living in relation to your desired direction?

We continually track your progress in keeping on your unique path.

We notice what positive things showed up as you took action, and what obstacles appeared, and how you related to those obstacles.

We assess how you did in your actions not to judge or brow-beat, but to give coherence, because it's useful to know where we are on the journey.

And that ongoing, nonjudgmental awareness let's us create actions to get back on the path, or to travel deeper on the journey.

And as you continue to take action, you get better and better and better at living the path, in every moment.

~

Ultimately, it’s the Masculine in our sessions that holds you (and me) in whatever is showing up for us

It is strong
And it is also deeply surrendered

And the Feminine feels safe to let go of control
And give birth to something new

🙏🏻❤️

~~

Questions that I've been asked about coaching with me:

You've mentioned inner obstacles a few times. Will this be scary work?

Doing this work can bring up strong emotions and thoughts that appear to be reality. The more this comes up, the more we practice moving through these obstacles.

And let me be clear—this work is all in the service of living a full, vital Life.

We work in session to meet anything that shows up, and you take those skills out with you into the world to practice using them, as you create a Life that's alive and meaningful to you.

An example might help.

As I've been doing this work, I have grown so fully into a woman who can be with anything that comes up, who feels empowered and knows that she can hold herself through it all.

Recently I became so unexpectedly mad at a few things that appeared to be happening all at once—a close friend of mine was straight-up bitchy to me, another friend ignored me for a week and a half and then kept popping up into my awareness, and an unexpected memory of an ex-lover who I thought I had let go of emotionally resurfaced after I found out he was now in a committed relationship—suddenly my mind was triggered by a normally buried thought of how (in my mind) he just seemed to have cut off all contact with me without being open as to why.

I had much work to do on this day and yet here I was, angry and not capable of doing anything else in the moment!

I full-on held myself in that anger, and I powerfully dropped the usual sharp judgment that I shouldn't have feelings of anger, irritation or jealousy.

In that moment I accessed my deepest self and I had my own back…and in that energy I felt so loved, so cared for and so held and supported that I let go and started giggling hysterically at the anger, irritation and jealousy and how it had triggered me.

I dropped the struggle with those emotions, I fully felt them, I let go and I moved through them—and I knew myself more intimately for having done so. It was a gift.

This type of self-empowerment skill that I teach continues for rest of your life, well after our time together has ended.

Coaches in the past have at times been harsh or overly aggressive with me. Will you be like that in our sessions?

No. I'm not here to disempower you, or to be aggressive to "motivate" you or to shame you into taking action. The point of our work together is to see what comes up as you start to take valued action and to learn how to move through difficulties with empowerment, so as to live in your desired direction.

A big part of this work is setting a valued direction, such as acting with deep intimacy with a partner, a purpose and yourself. Our coaching relationship creates a powerful model for intimacy, which can serve you in having intimacy in other relationships in your life.

There's no one-upping from me as your coach—we are both human and are both equal. We both experience the inner obstacles of getting caught up in our thoughts and feelings that are unhelpful and sometimes painful.

I'm not here trying to be perfect—I'm here to be in intimate connection with another human, modeling and engaging this work and helping you move ever forward in your desired directions.

Will I have to be coached forever and never really get anywhere?

No. We start our coaching relationship by agreeing to 6 sessions together. At the end of those sessions, we determine whether more sessions are necessary.

As a result of our work, you will know what directions you want to live and move in, you will know how to take action to live as that person, you will have skills to handle what comes up when you take action and you will learn how to track whether you are still on your path.

The whole point of our time together is to learn to hold yourself and to stay on your desired path on your own.

The better you get at holding and connecting to yourself intimately, you won't need anyone to do that for you, and you are then free to connect and co-create with everything in your Life, including yourself.

Will coaching with you be too woo woo? 

I love this question! While there is a deep element of spirituality in my work (one woo!), this coaching process is also straightforward, purposeful, actionable and measurable.

Is working with you expensive?

Thank you for asking this question.

To be quite vulnerable, compared with what I've paid a coach in the past and what I've heard other coaches charge, my prices are very low. Yes I know—everything's relative.

Ultimately, our work together is an energy exchange—money energy for coaching energy. I value my work and it's priced to honor that. And you will have to determine if my prices are right for you.

I don't disclose my prices on the site because I don't work with everybody. If you feel that we could be a good match to work together, email me, and we can set up a time to have a free hour long discovery session, to find out what directions you'd like to live your Life and what's stopping you. We can also feel into whether we'd resonate in the context of a coaching relationship.

Do I have to pay up front?

You have the option to pay up front, which will result in a lower overall cost, otherwise you are able to pay as we have each session.

 
Can the timing of our sessions be flexible?

I and my clients have experienced that it's very powerful to have a structure to our sessions and there is typically one week's time between sessions 1 and 2 and then we adjust to bi-weekly sessions.

I am also open to being flexible about that timing (every 3 or 4 weeks) or if something should come up that would prevent us from meeting regularly.

 
Can I try out your coaching before I decide to work with you?

Absolutely! As I mentioned above, we can set up a time to have a free hour long discovery session, to find out what directions you'd like to live your Life and what's stopping you from doing that.

We can also feel into whether we'd resonate in the context of a coaching relationship.

 
If we work together, can you guarantee that I’ll get the things that I want?

I cannot guarantee that you'll get the things that you want by working with me.

Stay with me here.

I wish I thought to ask this important question when I first started out as a coach. My mind got it twisted and thought that just by signing up with a coach or entering a coaching program that I’d get what I said I’d wanted.

I became severely disillusioned when I didn’t get what I wanted, when I wanted it.

Your mind is probably wondering “then why would I work with you if you can’t guarantee that I’ll get what I want?”

The truth is, no one can guarantee that you’ll get what you want.

If someone ever tries to guarantee you that, I must be honest and tell you that they are either lying or deluded.

As Russ Harris, a phenomenal ACT teacher, explains, "even top surgeons will never guarantee that an operation will be a total success. They will tell you their best odds of success, and then they'll get you to sign a consent form acknowledging the small but possible risks of all the things that might go wrong."

 
Don’t let your mind pull you into the depths of despair over this.

There are two pieces to consider:

The first is putting focus on what we can and control in Life

This is our work together

We can't control whether we reach our goals, but we can control how much action we take towards them

We can’t control most of our thoughts, but we can get distance from them so that we can act more effectively

We can’t control most of our emotions, but we can relate to them in an empowered way and still move forward in our lives

We can't control others, but we can influence them in what we say and do

We can't stop painful events from happening, but we can act like the people we want to be—no matter what happens in Life

What we can control, is our attention and our actions.

In our work together, we set the intention
Of desired directions
And ways of acting

We create long and short term goals that are in alignment
And in service to
Our desired directions

We create actions to move in those directions

Putting attention on acting as we’d like to be as we move and create

Learning more and more skillfully how to handle the inner obstacles that show up

You experience Life in this process
Full of joy and pain and everything in between

And we come back together to assess

And create again

It’s this continued intention, attention, action, and assessment that creates a full Life,
No matter what you’re getting

It’s acting like the person you want to be
Not what you get

I can promise you

If you show up in-the-moment over and over and over again

In our sessions
In creating the path
While taking action
While experiencing the joy
And in the midst of the pain that can show up when taking action

Focusing on what you want to stand for
What you want your Life to be about
How you are connecting with anyone
How you are being with yourself
In whatever you are doing

You will be creating
Experiencing
Living a full Life

And I'll be honest
It'll be

A life that you will be proud of on your death-bed

The goals are simply by-products of that

They are not really the point

We’ve just been programmed to think they are

The real point is that

We are here to live the experience of Life, not the outcomes

~~

In the second part of this answer, I’m going to get a little woo (woo)

This is the part where we learn to trust Life

Our goals (which are tied to our valued directions),
Are like prayerful questions that we ask of Life

And once those questions are asked

It’s necessary to let go of the how or the when

Because Life will answer in its own time and its own way

And in turn we honor Life by living each moment
As the people we’d like to be
Heading in the direction that we desire by taking action
Reveling in the richness of each moment
The Magic that is always possible
Whether or not we are reaching
those temporary goal signposts
On the road of Life

The way we act in Life on the other hand
Never ends
It simply adds meaning and purpose to it

And as a wonderful teacher once illuminated for me

The greatest people we’ve ever known are never remembered for their possessions,
how much money they had
or how accomplished and beautiful their partners were

What they are remembered for is their ways of being
What they stood for in Life
How they acted in the midst of challenges as they worked toward their goals

Their ways of living impact and elevate us all
Forever more ✨
 

See Life Directions for more on valued directions vs. goals and outcomes.

~~

Do you have any questions you'd like me to answer about coaching with me?

If so, please contact me.

Much love,

Lauren

Lauren's Training and Education

Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts
Divine Feminine

Letter of Marque
Improvisation Training  

PSYCH-K® Centre International
Certificates: Basic; Advanced; PRO; Health & Well-Being; Master Facilitation

Quantum Coaching MethodTM
Certification, Coaching

Institute of Integrative Nutrition
Certification, Health Coaching

The College of New Jersey
B.A., Business Administration