He looked at me with warmth, compassion and sorrow and said "we should end the marriage."
I managed to push away all words of protestation, but deep in my body I felt a searing pain.
I had a fierce knowing that it could be possible to rescue this union, but I didn't know how and I was tired after months of uncertainty, anger and repeated pain.
So I simply agreed with him.
And so 10 years ago I set off on a path that was fully my own.
This journey entailed me acknowledging that I truly wanted to be free from this relationship, thereby accessing my hidden Warrior energy, and ending all facets of the marriage myself.
This Warrior energy also stirred up a strong call within me for more meaningful work than the corporate work I was engaged in, while my deepening Feminine energy began to realize a desire for true partnership that was connected and authentic.
I relished those desires and let them incubate, while I used my Feminine energy along with my Warrior to care for my first love—my mom who had been sick for many years and was getting sicker.
Losing her was the deepest pain I'd ever felt, and part of me transitioned right along with her.
I let go of who I was when held in her loving gaze, and opened up to becoming a fuller expression of who I Am.
In the months following her passing, I learned to listen to my inner knowing, even when it didn't seem logical.
This knowing led me to leave the corporate world to become a health coach, without really knowing what that would mean to me, my life and my path.
The process of becoming a coach, and living it, deepened the pathway into myself, stirring up and transforming old and new feelings of pain, limitation and rejection as I continued to step ever deeper on this trail.
Being able to be with this darkness opened me up to the gifts of connection, freedom, purpose, Love and joy.
By entering myself more fully, I entered coaching ever more deeply and I trained tirelessly and enthusiastically, earning another coaching certification, trying out unconventional healing methods, developing skills in belief change and even taking improv classes.
My development rippled out to benefit others as well, and as a coach I grew to have the keen knowing that I am a teacher and a student, a guide and an ally to these beautiful people who I get to call clients and friends.
The seeds of desire that I planted years ago are strong, and they've grown into a coaching practice that is my calling, relationships with men that are conscious and healing, and passionate connection to myself and the world.
This part of my upward spiral has come full circle, as I coach and empower people who are awakening to the deep desire to connect to purpose-filled work, conscious partnership, their sexuality—and Themselves.
Sunlight poured down on me as I looked up at the brilliant blue sky
Grateful for it's warmth and Love
Feeling the strength it was offering me
Intuiting that it was acting as a catalyst for me to get in touch with my own strength
I let all things empty out of me
To be filled up with a truer version
Becoming familiar with and then reveling in the newness and uncertainty of this act
Letting it all happen in a space that was wide open
Noticing and feeling the aliveness of everything
Opening to the knowing that all that was on my path—and ever will be—is just as it's meant to be
Creating a vision of what's to come
And yet fully surrendering to how it would bloom
Thereby fully trusting Life
And feeling the freedom and Joy in that