Mourning + Reconnection (+ Poem For Marie)

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Throughout the years that I've been a coach, even a health coach, I notice that I've been so inspired to write about my mom. 

Her passing gave me the push to live an unconventional life, according to my previous standards. 

As I created the poem below, I fully acknowledged that part of my purpose is not only as a coach and spiritual teacher of all relationships (especially the one you have with yourself!), but as a coach in service to relationships where one person has passed, or as I say, transitioned. 

The truth is, this transitioned person lives on as energy, and so does the relationship. 

Part of the work that I'm being guided to do is to facilitate as people mourn the passing of their loved ones. 

This is different than just grieving. Grieving means holding on to the old, while mourning is a purging and releasing, while still honoring and deepening the connection you have with your loved one. 

This also involves (although not always right away) connecting with the energy of the transitioned person, if it's in the highest good of all to do so. 

And so the beautiful process is to grieve the loss if necessary, actively mourn it and then connect with the energy of your relationship with this person right now.

Healing and restoring this relationship gives you the space and energy to create and re-create more beautiful relationships in your life, whatever they may be—relationship to yourself, your purpose, your partner, your children, to life.

~
Part of my deep mourning was the acknowledgment that I was clinging to what my mom's physical body was like at the time she passed. 

And I had the knowing that this is no longer relevant. It's no longer reality. 

Choosing to release those moments of pain and be with her energy in the Now was part of my beautiful work.

~
I have a deep sense that most of us have not mourned those we've lost and are still stuck in grief, sometimes for years. 

If feels as if there is a collective not knowing what to do with someone who's experienced a loss and so we shy away and hope they do some healing on their own. 

But what really happens is because we really don't know how to mourn, the pain gets shoved down and we distract ourselves with the busyness of life. 

This was my experience. 

As I've become more and more conscious and I continue to unfold my path, I know how important this piece is in one's evolution. And I'm awake to the knowing that part of my reason for being here is to guide people in this process.

If you feel stirred by this email and would like to connect about a loss you've had and are open to the possibility of working together in this co-creative process of mourning and relationship reconnection, please click here to email me. 

I'm offering a free hour and a half video call to shine a light on your loss and uncover what you'd like to release. If it feels good to both of us, I will propose a way for us to work together in this process. You always have the option of saying yes or no to my proposal. 

I'm honored to receive whoever responds to this offering. 

Much love always,
Lauren
 

Marie

I realize the pain that I used to feel as I thought of your passing
Was purely the remembrance of what your physical body was like at the time it transitioned

I notice that I've clung to that memory of your suffering
As a way to prolong my own;
Thinking that was the way I needed to remember you 

I now forgivingly perceive that this was a futile way to honor your essence

What *was* in the days and moments before you transitioned no longer *is*

I kept it alive as a memory in my weary mind
Which has awakened

Now I am deeply aware that you still exist as pure energy

And so you are with me always

Within my breath,
encircling me
Cheering me on

How could you not be?

I am bestowed with the grace of connecting with you in each moment I consciously choose to

And I reach you as never before,
Dissolving old wounds

Overwhelmingly, heart-burstingly feeling and knowing your pride and love for me

Honoring and deeply appreciating your desire for me to
live
right
in
*this* 
precious
moment, 
always

Which is where you are, too

I feel your energy as fuller and even more blindingly radiant than it was in your physical body

And I echo your full radiance with absolute glee


~~Lauren Malloy


Picture circa 1983 ♥

 

Chiseler

Chiseler.jpg

Throughout this journey, I've often felt like a huge chunk of marble
That's getting chiseled bit by bit

At times a big piece will fall off the block that is me;
Causing immense pain as it clunks to the ground

Other times it's just subtle shards that slip off;
Which don't seem like much,
But have the effect of lightening me and shifting my perceptions

The more I chip away, the more I think I'll be done.
But I am not!

A different area gets focused on;
And more potential pain

Then surges of joy as I see the resultant growth, manifestations and beauty

Everything that falls away will always be a part of me,
If only as a memory;
But it has served it's purpose and is no longer needed

I love each piece that slides away,
Especially those that caused me the most suffering

Because these have me wake up the most
And learn quickly and intrinsically what I need to

I bless it
I release it
I revel in my work-in-progress-ness!

And I surrender to what must be let go of next

All the parts that I agreed to possess when I came here,
They all serve their purpose;
Even if they appear to be creating the opposite of what I want

My purposeful sculpting reveals the gem behind the fear-laden protective chunks

And has me own that I am a fearless, loving, creative  

Chiseler

 

~~Lauren Malloy

Transition

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When my mom transitioned 5-1/2 years ago, in a way, I did too. 

There was a moment in the hours after she passed that the idea to write and deliver a eulogy for her popped into my mind. 

This idea most surely came from the highest part of me, as the mental and physical parts never would have agreed to this (!), let alone even thought to do it. 

In that moment I took all the growth that I had experienced up until that point in my life and started on a path of my own making. 

I cried sharply as I wrote the words, which seemed to float to me as I sat in my mom's spot on her couch. I could palpably feel her energy with me. 

I read them enough times to be able to deliver them without being completely moved to tears at the truth of them. 

I wrote them to give recognition to the women she was and so that others could get a glimpse of the side of her only I could see. She was a contradiction in a lot of ways, just like me. 

Writing and delivering those words foreshadowed two of the ways my Purpose would unfold. 

As I look back, losing her propelled me to live a life full of love, expanding consciousness and life purpose. 

The experience of loving her in those last few years of her life her showed me how to love myself, others and how to use that love in service to the world. 

Feeling her energy even more strongly now, has me realize over and over again that we really are all connected. 

Her passing called me forward. The difference this time is that I didn't push the thought or desire away. I listened and I acted. Even if I took small steps at first. Especially if I took those tiny steps. 

That calling forward is happening to all of us, no exception. We each have even more that's possible to become and know and experience. 

I listen more and more to what spirit tells me (even when it came to writing this post) and I do it ♥

Much love,
Lauren

 

~For Marie:

9.23.12

I haven't met anyone quite like my mother. She was so incredibly strong inside, despite outward appearances. I saw this firsthand over the last year of her life as she battled another horrible disease. She did it with grace and dignity and always with a good nature, and I am honored to have been on that journey with her.  

You might think her illness made our lives sad, but really the opposite was true. Although we couldn't know she would leave us at this particular time, we all realized our days together were few and precious. So, we lived them to the fullest, given her condition. We took yearly trips to our beloved Boothbay Harbor, Maine, we went out to dinner many, many times and we went on long drives to see the leaves changing.

My mom enjoyed simple pleasures such as noticing when the rose bush she had planted years ago had a bloom, or how beautiful the sky looked when it was filled with cumulus clouds. She loved anytime I brought something new home and insisted I bring it over to her so she could look at it.   

Despite her ongoing health issues, she thought nothing of listening to the troubles of others and through the years continued to add people onto her prayer list, keeping them on even after they had died. Everybody in this room is most likely on her list.

When the situation changed for my Mom as her disease progressed, a different part of her personality emerged. I like to say she became very adorable. She watched things on TV that surprised me such as the X Games, she secretly completed her daily crossword and Sudoku puzzles when she should have been doing her paperwork, she completely charmed any nurse who attended to her when she spent time in the hospital over the years and she fell hopelessly in love with my sister's dog Maddie, even telling one of us that she hoped she died before Maddie did because she couldn't bear the thought of losing her.

I never wanted her to leave us but I know now she is always with us.

She was a confidante, a kindred spirit, a trustworthy co-pilot on long car rides and a mother who never let you forget you were unconditionally loved. 

~Lauren Malloy

 

Photo from 2005

A Relationship With Myself

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What does it mean to have a relationship with myself?

It starts by noticing completely, that I am whole. In this moment and always

No one will ever complete me, because I am already am

And yes, this means everyone else is whole and complete, too!

Someone can enhance me, light me up, shine me up…and I am already extraordinary as I am
I am absolute and they are there to play with in me in divine rapture, our Spirits reveling together

It's taking responsibility for what's mine
If you do something that upsets me, it's up to me as to how I react; it's up to me whether or not I take it personally

It's checking in with myself, using my intuition to feel into what's right
It's making clear agreements with myself

It's being so in tune with myself, with what my needs are and what feels right that I'm able to feel/see/know

what I'm ok with and not ok with in how my lover treats me, or how anyone else does
And it's exercising extreme compassion in how I explain that to anyone

It's knowing what gives me pleasure and allowing myself to fully experience and enjoy it

It's knowing what I want and asking for it, and being aware that I might not always get it
And realizing that it's the act of asking, with love and compassion (for myself and the other person), that is the Liberation

It's being clear on what makes me happy and believing it's good and right for me to be happy

It's really getting it that I don't need to be fixed by anyone, not even myself!
It's knowing the expansion of my consciousness will have me notice and adjust what does not serve me and shifting those wrong perceptions

It's developing such sensitive inner knowing so that anger, irritation and sadness do not derail me
But have me wake up and see that these are all the ways my higher self is talking to me
I notice what they are saying and adjust accordingly, giving birth to new desires

It's feeling connected when I'm by myself

It's knowing what I like and nourishing myself with it
It's taking care of myself, by the things I do and even better, by the words I tell myself

It's excitedly engaging in anything I'm doing alone—laughing hysterically at a funny movie, walking in the sunshine in full consciousness, taking in all the energy and beauty of every display in a museum

It's putting as much attention on self pleasure as I would when I'm with a partner and being willing to be spontaneous

It's being spontaneous with anything when I am by myself!

It's laughing at and with myself
It's having fun with myself
It's being bold by myself
It's taking myself out on a date

It's finding and connecting to that space deep inside me
Reconnecting to that infinite part of me

Realizing that I'm never alone
Grounded in me

It's probing my consciousness
And being clear and rooted as I ask it questions and record the answers

It's weaving this Divine pattern of Love, Joy and relatedness

It's delighting in this Divine enfoldment that is distinctly mine
And ever so gently unfolding it into All That I Am

Much Love,
Lauren

Commitment

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As much as I wanted to be committed and close to a partner

The idea of commitment had been programmed into my mind in a way that didn't feel good

It didn't feel free, which is also what I want!

After thinking for so long that I could only have one or the other

I am blessed to have found and done work to re-program my mind with new, expansive beliefs about commitment

I choose to fuse commitment ~and~ freedom.

What does this look like?

~It's deliberate sex—being aware and present, opening to what's wanted in the moment

Imaginative expressions of pleasure

Talking about what we'd like and not like

And saying it all with full awareness and fierce love + compassion

~Being open to (and even wanting!) the dynamic between us changing

It's adventure and fun and laughter and improvisation

Allowing ourselves and each other to grow and change

And knowing that through this growth we might feel it's no longer right to be together

And being brave enough to let go

~Spending time together in full consciousness, not getting lulled into a routine

Being present and listening with our Whole self and not judging or fixing

And when something irritates us in the other person, looking to see where we do this too

Owning our mistakes, noticing where we can grow, and being transparent

~Letting myself cry daringly with Feeling and in full consciousness and connection as we make love

Knowing the freedom in surrendering as the Divine Feminine

And allowing the force of love and Nature and Spirit flow through me during sex

Peering keenly into each other's eyes until we can't tell one body from the other

~Retaining Who I Am with full clarity and certainty

Living my Purpose in a Divinely Feminine way

Which enhances who I am when I'm with my partner

And holding the same space for him to pursue his Mission

~Having the relationship with ~myself~ be my Primary relationship

And from that place of Wholeness, connecting meaningfully over and over again with Him

With Love,
Lauren
 

Photo Credit: Joshua Bobrove

It's Me

Its Me.jpg

I was always looking for one answer

The absolute truth

The one "thing" that will fix everything

Getting so high on the expectation that this will fulfill all my desires

And being crestfallen when it didn't live up to expectations or I lost interest or it's power wore off

Until I realized all those beautiful things I found were tools

But they could never replace the most important ingredient in the mix

Me

By placing power outside of myself, I was neglecting the Higher Truth:

I am the one that I've been searching for

As I listened more deeply to my inner being

I saw my Spiritual power

As I expanded my awareness and used my tools with greater clarity

I found such joy in all things

Especially in me. I felt my power. My Spirit. 

This gave me the ability to feel pure love for myself and all things

To create and be in my life, fully grounded in all that I am

Which flows out to everyone and everything that comes into contact with me

And has them see that they have that power, too

The feeling of that love, without needing reciprocation, and knowing that I am the Source of it and create it with my Intention, is one of the most joyous and liberating I've ever experienced

And the exhilarating cycle continues over and over again...

Much love,
Lauren

Photo credit: Joshua Bobrove

My Desires + Purpose

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The desire to become a coach snuck up on me

It was born out of many things in my life being dissatisfying

The deeply buried desire was to be fully Who I Am

Not to have a career that was uninspiring or stressed me unduly

Not to be in a relationship where there was no longer a True connection

Not to neglect my desire for something sexually dynamic, to the point that I felt disconnection

To bring all of me to the surface

I never anticipated how coaching would stretch me as a person, wake me up, have me ~feel~

It turned everything upside down… and the same time, very right-side up

I finally woke up and realized that I wanted to be All of Me, and that I could be

That I was actually made to give my gifts

To help others find their desires and gifts and live them too

I decided that I was enough and I could create the life I desired, whatever that looked like

And I dared to pursue it

Doing things that scared me and pushed me to my edge, but that deep inside I knew were the keys to feeling fully alive

Which has always been my ultimate desire

~To feel fully alive and in the moment~

Appreciating everything

Thankful for every step along the way to what I'm creating

Which I allow to shift and change, if I so desire it

I so appreciate that I get to do this work

That I get to hold space as my clients dream

Holding their vision for them

Coaxing out the amazing desires and visions that lay deep within them

~Witnessing a client own his Masculinity and pursue Feminine women

~Holding sacred space for another man as he questioned his sexuality

~Facilitating as a client realized that the way he was doing one thing was the way he was doing everything (and not liking the results) and changing course to get what he wanted

~Deeply connecting to a client who dared explore more than one ongoing sexual relationship where she was open and honest with all involved

~Seeing another client so inspired that she started pursuing her dream of moving to another country by herself

And all the while, experiencing my own Great journey, as I walk right alongside them

Not as expert (that would mean I'm done learning, which I will never be), but as a champion of them

Seeing their greatness and reflecting it back to them

Feeling love and awe as I feel more and more people waking up

Realizing they can have more in this life

That they were born to have more

Whether it's in a sexual relationship, the relationship with themselves, with their Purpose…And with Life itself

This is the beauty of how I get to live my Purpose
~
What are your desires and Purpose?

If want to explore them, click on the contact link at the bottom of this page and let me know ♥

With Love,
Lauren

Spiritual Sex

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For years I kept sex on the side, treating it like an add-on to my life.

I didn't think it was as important as the rest.

I wasn’t taught about sex in a way that made it feel natural, healthy, necessary.

From my limited perception, grew a desire to know sex as something more.

My desire was to know sex as something Spiritual. (And no, I don't mean religious).

Sex as a direct way to touch Spirit.

Spirit, meaning the highest part of yourself.

Experiencing sex in this way feels alive, feels connected, feels beautiful, feels transformative.

It feels like coming home.

Because that's the energy that created you.

This is the magic that I felt in my sexual energy as a little girl.

Before I learned to hide it.

This kind of sex can be thought of as Medicine.

Healthy, connected sex impacts the rest of your life.

Spiritual sex is at the heart of my coaching practice.

Being connected spiritually to your sex, shifts everything else in your life.

Honesty, kindness, aliveness, buoyant energy, connection and creativity flow.

My mission is to awaken one and all to the magic that is life itself.

And it starts with creative, sexual energy.

If what I've written stirs something inside of you, contact me, and we'll arrange time for a discovery call.

On that call you'll realize what your desires are, what's holding you back from having them and we'll talk about how we can work together so that you get what you want.

With love,
Lauren


908.421.5204
lauren@laurenmalloy.com

Love All of Me (+ Poem)

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At one time I thought that if there were a lot of people in my life who loved me and therefore made me feel good about myself, I would be truly happy

I realized this wasn't the case

I realized it the hard way

I realized it when I lost them to death or breakups or misunderstands or busyness

These people were so important to me and I mourned the losses

And yet they were just masking the fact that I had to be the one who made me feel good about me

To really love myself

To love ALL the parts of myself

Especially the darkest parts that I never wanted to own

I spent too long hating those dark parts and trying to annihilate them from my very being

Not wanting to accept that they will always be a part of me

But finally, mercifully learning that seeing them, loving them and not letting them control me is the only way to be free

Resisting them only made them stronger

The only way to love myself completely is to love all of me

And learn from it all  

Shadow Side

You're the one who truly taught me to love

It's not only the Light that's beautiful
But also the Dark

This Shadow that caused me to want to jump out of my very skin
The one that opposed the masks of Light that I wore
The one I kept hidden like the well-behaved girl I was raised to be

This part who I pushed away and disowned for so long

Taught me to love every part of me
Because that part has much wisdom in it
And much love

And a way to freedom

~Lauren Malloy

The Divine Masculine (+ Poem)

Years ago I accomplished major feats by barreling through and developing a tough part of myself that in hindsight felt Masculine but was really just fear disguised as power.

Yet compared to the complacent, docile person I was before I was Tested, this seemed like a much better option.

I reacted way more than I responded.

I let my anger fuel me unnecessarily.

I closed myself off to a lot of people.

Being fake Masculine ultimately got me what I wanted and it also dragged situations out and didn't feel good. And I always had adrenaline surging through me.

The thing for me was to realize how I had been using the Masculine from a place of weakness.

The Masculine that I now know is Divine. Assured in It's power.

Now I'm more Divine Feminine than Masculine and I know that I need both. I want both. I am both.

The Divine Masculine is True power from a place of self-love, acceptance and self-reliance.

It's power, but it's not superficial outwards signs of it; it's to-the-core strength and integrity, confidence, courage, direction and purpose. It's magic.
 

 

The Divine Masculine

It feels heady
This unknown Masculine

Raw, untapped power
Coursing through my body
Felt as a jagged energy
Looking for an outlet
Quickly realizing I should look to the core instead
Where it all starts

Not fixating on what's outside
Paying slow, steady attention to my inside

Pulsing power
Strong yet tender
Aware of everything
Focusing on my mission
Shutting out all distractions
Calmly creating a picture of what I want
And holding it there with my Will
Using the power flowing through me to create it in the outside world

  ~~Lauren Malloy

Pink Sparkly Energy

I always knew there was something more
I could feel it as a child
Way more than what I could see in the physical world
It was an energy that ran through me
It was sparkly pink in color

It was what I felt that was the key
Yet I was conditioned not to feel

Mercifully the feelings persistently bubbled to the surface

This energy, which is an inner knowing that Sprit gave me, has influenced everything as I surrendered to it:

~The joy and freedom found in proclaiming love for someone and not needing the declaration to be reciprocated

~Loving someone who is different from me in many ways, and actually loving him more because he is so different

~Being so connected to the miraculous universe that's inside me that I experience sex on a completely different level

~The freedom to feel desire for more than one person and being honest about it

~Feeling absolute rapture when doing something that gives pleasure to someone else

~Learning to love myself and then pouring that love out into the world

~The capacity to sit with someone and hold space for them as they undergo deep Transformation

~Cultivating my creative sexual energy and using it to call in what I want in my life

I experienced these things as I opened to my purpose. And it's my purpose to share it with you.

xo,
Lauren

Be Different (+ Poem)

I spent years trying to be like everyone else.

Until I realized being different is all that I can be.

How fun being me can really be.

I used to pour over magazines for hours trying to look and dress just like the models. Now I dress however I want, as flirtatiously as I want. And I do it for me more than for anyone else. It makes me feel alive.

I used to be obsessed with what to eat to keep my body in shape. Now I use what I've learned and enjoy what I eat. I feast.

I used to be more surface when talking to people. Now I connect my energy to theirs, listen with my Spirit and respond with love.

I used to have a job that allowed me to keep creating a life that wasn't what I wanted. Now I use my Whole self to create what I want and coach others to do the same, in a way that is unique and uniquely me.

I used to be disengaged during sex. Now I pay attention to every detail, I savor each point of contact. I'm fully in my body and it's engaged and turned on. And I'm grateful for each second. 

I used to think it was difficult to enjoy life. Now even the slightest breeze causes my vibration to rise and joy to surge through my body.

DIFFERENT

All those hours spent in contemplation
Of something that could never be me

The makeup, the magazines
The idle fantasizing
About things that weren't really True

They weren't me

What if I clear the screen of my imagination
And paint what I want there

And listen to the voice deep inside me
Which never steered me wrong

More and more I step into what I always knew
But pushed aside in favor of ready-made visions
That robbed me of my essence

The voice reminds me that I didn't come here to fit in
Being Different is the way
Being Me is the gift that I have to offer

            ~~Lauren Malloy

Just Feel (+ Poem)

For many years I felt intimidated by the way our culture showcased sex.

It appeared too theatrical. Too over the top.

Adding in one more thing, to the point where there's numbness to what's actually going on.

It felt very calculated, disconnected, unconscious.

It didn't seem Real.

As I woke up more and more to my Spiritual nature and saw my life path unfolding, I saw the distortion in these demonstrations of sex.

As I remembered what my Spirit always knew, I soon found ecstasy in such simple actions—merely feeling my lover's strong hand squeeze my shoulder.

Feeling his energy and desire surge through me so that all I could do was gasp in pleasure and relief at the delicious, sharp sensations.

That one touch did more to me than any contorted position or toy ever could.

With everything stripped away, I could finally drop from my head into my body.

The place that had been unexplored for so long.

The place where everything resides.

I learned how to experience Enlightened Sex.

FEEL

It begins the moment that you look at me
And continues as I let your gaze sear at my core
Causing a sudden sweat to emerge on my skin

I try to divert my attention to something much more mild
Yet I'm powerless as I Feel my energy hook into yours

Once that lock is set
I feebly try to break the spell again by engaging others in the same way
To no avail

When I return to you
You simply lay your beautiful hands on my hips and gently pull me closer
And everything else melts away

The lightest pressure on my skin
Causes monumental eruptions of sensation in my body
Almost overwhelming and yet it's pure bliss

Every movement is so simple and yet so unique

Time slows down and I'm living inside my body
No longer my head

This is where I've always longed to be
The place where I Feel and love everything

     ~~Lauren Malloy

Surrender (+ Poem)

For a long time I thought my divorce had left me broken.

That somehow I had relationships all figured out before the breakup and now I had lost my groove.

A sharp realization sometime afterwards let me know that it didn't matter how many relationships I had been in or even that I had been married, I simply did not know how to be in a relationship, let alone one that my partner and I could thrive in.


When I met my ex husband, I was feeling the most magnetic I'd felt up until then.

His magnetism, however, blew mine out of the water and I could do nothing but blindly surrender to him.

That was the thing though—I surrendered blindly. Without consciousness.

And with it went what I needed most—my boundaries, my hidden desires, my passion, my sense of self.

And these things that I needed so badly were nowhere near coming close to being developed in any way.

And they would never get to be developed with him.

And that is all on me.

What I had taken on as my truth over the years through my interactions with men and what I interpreted through what I heard in the media and society is that a woman should be low maintenance.

That she shouldn't speak the truth to her man if he acted inappropriately. (Most of the time it didn't even register in me what the truth was, that's how unconscious I had become).

That she shouldn't talk too much—just let him be.

That she shouldn't demand too much attention, just play it cool.

That she shouldn't be clear on what her deep desires are.

So I pushed down all my needs and desires until a deep resentment formed where neither of us were ever going to get what we wanted.

And then I wondered why this man who felt his needs weren't being met either, looked elsewhere.
 

I know that relationship was a gift and one that was offered to me for my highest Growth and to serve my Purpose.

And the words below are what I now know to be true of a Real relationship.

What my Soul always knew was True.

Surrendered Love

Ohhh this feels so different
As I pivot my body to meet your gaze directly
And hold it steadily

Anchored in my body
Buzzing with electricity
Seeing the holiness in you
Acknowledging the divinity in me

Feeling your desire for me
As if it were something tangible

Profoundly aware of my hunger for you

I spiral down into the core of myself
Feeling inside for what I know to be True

Telling you what I see, with compassion
And what I need, with care
And challenging you to do the same

Receiving it All with Love

With these simple, powerful, heartfelt acts
I can feel and see energetic tendrils
Branch out from each of us
And begin to merge

Our physical forms take over
As extensions of our energy

I let go in Feminine ecstasy
Into the beautiful, strong form that your Masculine is holding

Both of us alive in acknowledgement and awe
Of the fiery, Surrendered Love that we've created

            ~Lauren Malloy

My Purpose (+ Poem)

I revealed my Soul recently.

My connection to it became reachable because I am fully living my Purpose,
the reason I came here.

Every memory, hurt, challenge, joy;
Was predetermined to lead me to my Purpose.

No tear, scream, laugh, fright, Triumph, struggle was wasted in it's Creation:

~Having my heart ripped out and smashed by a life partner (aided and abetted by me);

Sacred fertilizer for my Purpose

~Witnessing my best friend gorgeously and anciently giving birth to her Daughter;

More fertilizer

~Standing beside my beloved mom in the last hour of her life, gently caressing her forehead as I birthed her into another dimension;

Still more fertilizer

~Feeling and knowing that my sexual energy was Right even when the church or society said otherwise

~Knowing the sex I could have on a Soul level

~Experiencing True, Heart-Pulsating Connection and Communication

More, more, more fertilizer

And so my Purpose was revealed to me

I'm a Spiritual Teacher of Love + Sex
And an Excavator of Desires

I hold my bright Light and direct it to guide others to Deep Intimacy, Blissful Love and Transcendent Sex

Everything that happened before sparked my Desire to be a beacon of light moving forward

To serve others through a coaching union with me:

~Transmuting heart hurt to an unlimited capacity to love
~Revealing True Desires
~Creating fertile land for love (inner and outer)
~Calling in or rediscovering partners
~Living with full consciousness
~Being all of who you are in relationship and Purpose

This is what I do on Soul level.

 

Creation

Only one thing is needed to Live your Purpose, said Spirit

~Be all of who you are~
it whispered with love and magic

My heart ratcheted open in response
And I saw the beauty in myself
And the beauty in men
And the beauty in women

I resuscitated my lifeless connection to myself and the world

Transmuting my pain into Soul gold
Fuel for my life and Purpose

And I went out into the world

Holding the Higher Truth
Illuminating the Masculine and Feminine
Seeing the Souls of all I commune with
Spreading my flavor of Love and Teaching and Ability to the world

Endowed with a heart that loves no matter what

                        ~Lauren Malloy

 

 

 

 

Stripping Down (+ Poem)

Never would I have thought that stripping down to nothing and being photographed could be Spiritual.

But I wasn't just stripping off my clothes, I was stripping down to my Soul.

Who I am underneath my ego, my wounds, my Masculine toughness and self-protectiveness, my excessive (sometimes irrational) calmness, my play-acting.

Naked in front of a camera, there's nowhere to hide.

And so my True nature was revealed.

My beauty, my limitless heart, my sexiness, my aliveness, my unabashedly radiant Feminine energy.

That day I fully discarded the masks that I rarely even realize I'm wearing.

I felt the Truth of who I am as I looked into the lens of a camera, operated a beautiful Soul, the two of us effortlessly coaxing out the True me.

I take that priceless gift with me out into the world, with the Desire to ignite it.
 

Revealing

Uncovered
Discovered
I begin to reveal the beauty that existed since my inception
That always existed
But was covered up by hundreds of fine, gossamer layers
Each layer appearing through the years
as I accepted and absorbed the hurt
And the wrong teachings
And the lower thoughts

Now I carefully and lovingly peel those layers back
Each one painful in it's own way as it's gently lifted
I'm rewarded by the openness and Light that I experience as each is released and floats away
Freeing me
Further revealing the Gem that I am

 

Living From Desire (+ Poem)

I was raised Catholic and desire is something I was not taught to think about. Ever!

But just like amazing sex, desires can heal.

As I think of my desires, I feel a warm, open, fluttery sensation in my heart center.

I distinctly feel my heartbeat speed up and the fog that stubbornly resides in my head clears.

I'm expanded and open to possibilities.

When I feel into and pursue my desires, I'm living as my True self who fiercely wants me to be the person I came here to be. And my desires fuel that.

I didn't come here to suffer needlessly or stay small. Neither did you.

My inner catholic school girl is squirming but I'm going to do it anyway:

What am I desiring in this moment?

~a day to go hiking with my aunt
~laughing deeply with fellow travelers on my path
~another night out at that restaurant with my ladies where we had the most delicious food ever
~that sexy black dress (and those shoes!) that I saw online
~to feel sexy, happy, turned-on, glowy and mischievous
~a date with that masculine man who causes me to think about him long after he's out of sight
~kissing that man as I pay perfect attention to every sensation that arises in my body

Much better.
 

Excavating My Desires

Long overdue, I silence my ego mind.
The part of myself that shuts down every True impulse and Desire.
No easy task, but I am not easily dissuaded.
Especially now.
I've been tunneling toward my Desires for years.
Detours abound. But Desire is determined.
It's the fuel of my life now. A lifeline.
Can I really let myself have everything that I want?
How could I not. God knows I've tried everything else.
Now I feel into my body—the very thing I've avoided for so long.
With proper attention, it lights up like a spark,
pointing me in the direction that I need to go.
       ~Lauren Malloy

How I Used To Be (+ Poem)

One of my life lessons is that I get lost in intimate relationships.

In the past this led me to make decisions that I've quietly regretted, harboring resentment towards the other person (and myself) that came across as coldness or lack of attention.

What would have helped me greatly is the question: "What do I want?"

But I didn't know I could ask that. Growing up I did what was expected of me… be a good daughter, go to college and get good grades (completing it in the acceptable timeframe), get a good, steady job that provided benefits. Get married, buy a house and plan for kids.

It turns out I didn't want most of those things—except being the good daughter of course ;). So I ended up un-doing most of those decisions in order to be free.

Which leads me to ask the all important question:

What do I want?

I want it all. I want to be free in an intimate relationship….where my partner and I are both fully living as our True selves and are connected to each other and the world.

What do YOU want?

With Love,
Lauren
 

Letting Go

What if I could relax my rigidness,
and let go of all those unhelpful rules that my mind has collected over the years.
And slipped instead into how I really feel,
and what I really want—at my True core.
And give you the space to do the same.
How would that feel?
What could we create together...by being our True selves.

                                ~Lauren Malloy

The Only Constant Is Change (+ Poem)

I've been quiet lately because I've been fully stepping into my purpose as a Sex + Relationship Coach and a Spiritual Teacher of Love. 

Health coaching was a natural precursor to this work.

Think about it—would you regularly fill up and numb out on fries or ice cream or cocktails if everything was going well in your relationship and you felt filled with love's bliss? 

So why don't I just take one of my passions and make that my life's work? 

I've learned that it would never be enough. Each passion is icing on the cake of my life's purpose, but could never be my purpose. 

What I need in order to grow throughout my life and be fully self-expressed is communion with people. Which is also communion with love and life. 

Years ago a mentor had me imagine what my regrets would be on my deathbed. Those thoughts have never left my mind. 

That same mentor also taught me: the only constant is change. 

And so I continue on this beautiful, light-filled path. 

Now I teach conscious couples, who's strong passion for each other has dimmed, how to have deep intimacy, blissful love and transcendent sex. 

May you find a taste of that in this poem that I offer you:
 

His Touch Alone

He ever so lightly touched the back of my neck,
and every inch of my body responded.
He more than touched me physically;
he felt into me with his consciousness.
He was grounded, present. He was with me  body, mind and spirit.
His touch alone could have kept me alive for days or weeks or months.
But he kept going…

                                                  ~Lauren Malloy

 

With Love,
Lauren

The Cave + The Treasure (+ Recipe + Video)

During my years of self development, quotes have always helped solidify what I was feeling inside but couldn't articulate.

The best quotes rocked me to the core and gave me necessary clarity.

There was one recently that helped me make sense of something that I've been drawn to like a moth to a flame but couldn't fully embrace:

"The cave you are most afraid to enter is the one that holds the treasure you seek"  - Joseph Campbell

This is why I find myself going toward things that scare the crap out of me!

And why it's so worth it to continue to press through the fear....

~I want the treasure
~I want to never sleepwalk through my life again (that's the main reason I was depressed years ago)
~I want to keep remembering that life begins at the edge of my comfort zone, even if it's super-hard to get there

What's hard for you?

What's something you think might make you feel just a little more alive, but you just don't have the courage to go there yet?

-Having a difficult conversation with someone close to you in order to bring a breath of fresh air to the relationship?
-Thinking about steps you'd need to take to leave a horrible, stressful job?
-Is it fermenting veggies, like in my last post?

That might sound silly, but it's totally valid.

When I was in cooking school, many assignments gave me anxiety, until I eased into them and felt the resulting happiness, relief that it wasn't as hard as I'd feared and a sense of accomplishment.

A lot of clients have told me they feel intimidated at the thought of making milk kefir (yes, I'm still on a whole food probiotic kick ;D )

Milk kefir is a fermented beverage that contains beneficial probiotics.

-It's high in vitamin B12 which helps with the assimilation of vitamin A, which is required for looking younger naturally.
-It also contains vitamin K2, which prevents wrinkling and premature skin aging.
-It also helps reduce food cravings because the body feels more nourished.

I add it to my smoothie for creaminess and flavor (and for a jolt of probiotic goodness).

Here's a video that shows how I do it :)

Enjoy, and keep dancing at your comfort zone's edge.

<3
Lauren
 

Milk Kefir

Ingredients
-4 cups whole milk, pasture-raised (also called grass-fed) or raw
-1 packet kefir starter (I use Body Ecology)
-1 scoop prebiotic, to feed the starter (I use EcoBloom by Body Ecology) 

 Optional Equipment
-1/2 gallon mason jar
-canning funnel

Directions
1. Add packet of kefir starter and prebiotic to the jar
2. Heat the milk to 90 degrees
3. Pour milk into the jar and whisk so that it combines with the starter/prebiotic
4. Let ferment on your counter for 12 to 24 hours 

Making transfers

-Instead of using another packet when going to make a new batch of kefir, you can use 6 tbsp of the existing batch to create a new one; so that would be 4 cups of whole milk + 6 tbsp of existing kefir
-You can do this 6 times before you need to use a new kefir packet