Experiencing 9/11 twenty-years ago reconfigured my world forever
Earlier that pivotal year, I experienced a foundational rupture in the form of an engagement breakup
Which woke me up, jarred me into consciousness
And the deepest pain I can attribute to it was feeling it’s singularity—being the only one around me who was going through that kind of pain
I felt like an outsider in my grief
And so I tried to mask it with smiles and joyful energy
Yet it had cracked me open, softened me, created fertile ground for a deeper awakening...
And then months later, in disbelief and horror, I watched the Twin Towers fall on my computer at work
With all my beloved co-workers
It felt like we were in it together
And I remember driving home that day and
Everything was different
I felt everyone’s heart as I took my usual route
I could feel our shared grief and shock
And mostly I could feel my own heart, as if for the first time
Bursting wide open
I touched the numinous after 9/11 and I felt love flowing through me and a generous, Power
I felt oneness with everyone
Ignited by our shared sorrow and coming together
I was full of light and I respected myself (as if for the first time)
I felt connected
In the ensuing weeks, I fully stayed in that zone of connection
Of shared humanity
I had touched my spiritual core
And I was blessed with the opportunity through my company at the time to volunteer a couple of blocks from Ground Zero
Serving food to the front-line workers
Which enabled me to come out of my shy-shell and truly do something at that time that could help and also acknowledge the pain of what had happened
But a few short weeks later
I allowed myself to become seduced in a way back into a somewhat collective unconsciousness
Feeling unable to stay ~at that time~ in that zone of hurt
Of opening
Of growing consciousness
Of courage
And yet
That pivotal time, 20 years ago
Planted a seed deep inside me
The awakening that happened could never be fully extinguished
And subsequent life ruptures continued to lead me into greater awareness, compassion, connection, humanity
Into Life
It set the foundation deep inside me
To feel the connection that we all have with each other
To do something in this world that has meaning
To act with kindness in spite of our inner and outer differences
It led me to where I walk now
As I go deeply into a helping vocation
May the rupture that was 9/11 continue to ripple out into re-awakening and re-connection and remembering our shared humanity
Much love to you all 🙏🏻❤️