I had a moment of deep surrender back in November
Life delivered a rupture to me and asked how I would handle it
It was a thing that in no way had to happen!
[I got myself into an accident and ended up with pretty bad injuries to my left eye—a story for another time 😊]
This thing that happened
I did not handle it well at first
And my mind berated me
Listing all of the things I could have done differently
Marveling at the silliness of it all—this most definitely did not need to happen!
And yet it did
And here I was
Stuck in my judgy and fearful mind
And then I woke up and remembered
I don’t have to like what happened
Or want what happened
But I can accept and surrender to it happening
Because struggling with it
Only makes it worse
It takes the clean pain of it actually happening
And amplifies it by creating the dirty pain of struggle
Which causes even more suffering
And so I dropped the struggle with this thing
And I accepted and surrendered instead
Slow at first and then deeper
And through it I learned to hold myself more profoundly
As the Divine Masculine
As my Self
I held myself in the trauma
Unhooking from all the things my mind told me that were not helpful
And I was able to find the gift in this recent rupture
To be able to be with and go into a rupture
That’s literally
on
my
face
Screaming to be seen
To feel into what it’s like for a woman
For anyone
To carry a trauma so present
The gift is that it strengthened my ability to be with and in anything
Including most definitely this pandemic time
With self-compassion and self-love
In the days and weeks and months that followed
I found myself also surrendering to how the wound has been slow to heal in some ways
To how it scares me to think about what it will be like to actually see my face age as time goes by
(And to unhook from my mind’s judgment that I’m superficial for caring about such things)
And I’m able to go past what I look like on the outside
Past the thought that the scar tissue under my eye still hasn’t gone away
Even past what I might look like as I age
I go through it all
Right into bringing out more and more
Of the deepest part of me
The timeless part of me
And the reason I’m here
To teach about and hold space for rupture and
surrender and acting as the deepest part of ourselves
The part that is here to live a full and vital life
—in the midst of whatever happens
While learning to unhook over and over again
From every unhelpful thing our minds will say to try and stop us from doing that ✨
Much love to you 🙏🏻❤️