In-the-Moment With You

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It began the moment we sat down and I unselfconsciously and eagerly met his gaze

As I talked, I was astounded once again by his full listening and presence

That action alone had more impact than any words he could have said

He didn’t interrupt
Or visibly indicate he was thinking about what to say next
Or try to impress me with words

His being-in-the-moment magnified my presence

And the turn-on that resulted from our connected conversation amplified as our bodies now joined our energy

I no longer experienced us through the filter of my mind

In the moment, every action was sublime
Each movement *felt* as if it was part of a predestined choreography created by something higher

Hypersensitive to the way our skin merged and then separated

Feeling every sensation ricochet through my body

We got higher than any drug could have taken us 

All the while his energy held me in ways his hands never could

His eyes remained locked with mine

The two of us enfolded within a bubble of Presence
 

We savored the sparkles of our coming together for hours afterward 

And stayed with the other in each moment,
Not judging the content of what was happening,
But enjoying the context
The bright, sweet, Now-ness

We danced in the moment with whatever was happening

Even when unexpected anger and pain swelled up

We used that rupture to penetrate the Present even more

For Life isn’t always filled with “good” moments

And yet as we experienced together, all moments can be filled with richness

Even being in that painful uncomfortableness, we experienced each nanosecond of it soaked in aliveness

As we held space for each other for what seemed like hours

We were blessed to experience the sweet release of letting go

Unleashing bound up energy, joy and relief

Which comes from having the courage to meet whatever moment is happening—in full, beautiful awareness

Never to be the same again ✨🔥✨ 

~~Lauren Malloy

The Trail Is the Thing

 

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I completely bought her pitch—that I could have all the things I wanted

She said I just needed to realize what I wanted and then “do the work”

I was a new coach, wanting to ‘walk my talk’ in being coached myself

And I also wanted my desires!

Oh how many times after that day did I mentally slaughter myself for not reaching my goals in a timely manner, or at all

Getting triggered, hooked and stuck

Focusing solely on goals

Totally in a victim-y fog

I made future goals everything, and I paid no attention to the precious Present

I realized a long time after that first call (and something that I learned to do as well) was that my coach had sold me my desired outcomes

Which is something you can never guarantee

Because the truth is

The coach can’t control the outcome

And neither can the client!

And you’re not supposed to!

As clients, we create the vision, goals and dreams and—most powerfully—we discover the personal qualities that we want to cultivate and embody as we travel our path and follow the vision

Plans are created, and effective, alive, values-inspired action is taken (this is what we can control)

All the while knowing and then learning firsthand that a big part of the work is unhooking again and again from painful thoughts, feelings and memories that get stirred up and try to distract us as we commit ever more deeply to our paths

In doing this work, we open to the truth that the whole point of creating dreams and goals is to begin the journey and get the chance to live as the person who in our hearts we know we’re here to be

It’s in the values-inspired action, in the ways of being that create a rich, meaningful Life

Our goals are like landmarks

They're markers that we pass on our deeper journey of living and acting in ways that help us grow into the person we want to be

Goals will be reached—or not

They inspire us to take the journey, but they’re not the thing at all

As Louis L’Amour states in this soul-awakening string of words:

“The trail is the thing. Not the end of the trail. Travel too fast, and you miss all you are traveling for”

 
And so I know now that the Truer way, is to sell the Trail

And Live the Trail,
In full surrender

Because it’s really up to Life as to whether we get what we want

And yet as we are infused with and acting on the qualities of being that make us come alive and empower us no matter what is happening, the journey will never be the same

For whole point of the Journey is how we’re living this Life

Much love,
Lauren

 


I See You


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I wanted this relationship to be “perfect”

I wanted to be “perfect”

And yet here I was struggling to reconcile what was before me 

I had blown up
Spewing words and sharp energy 

And now my mind told me I had soiled my good girl persona
Again

I sat with the anger and sadness that was the direct aftermath 

I let it assault my mind and body 

And then I did something that I was starting to get better at doing 

I unpeeled those thoughts and feelings as if they were Velcro 

And witnessed them right before me 

Fear
I feel you gnawing away in my belly
Just like you did when I got nervous as a child 

I see you

Anger 
I feel your heat and passion and jagged energy
Just wanting everything to go your way

I see you 

Despair 
I feel the gaping hole in my chest as I let the pain flood in unabated

I see you 

I witness you all as part of the bigger tapestry that is Me

I feel the pure relief in letting it all be there
Not extinguishing it
Not trying to alchemize it
Not allowing it to take me over 
But letting it be 
Observing it 
Being with it 

Being with myself in all states 

Wondering at these budding feelings of true self acceptance

Letting the newness encourage feelings of nervousness and excitement to bubble up

Realizing that Light wants to come in to join the dark this time 

And staying unhooked from needing that to happen at all

Resting groundedly now in my Self, with everything dancing and swirling around me 

Ready to mend what was ruptured 

~~Lauren Malloy

 


The Deeper Message


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I've resisted writing about my time at Connection Camp, because I knew I'd be sharing the biggest end-result—being diagnosed with Lyme Disease

I resisted it because my mind-based desire is to only write about positive outcomes—as well as experience them! 

As I felt the early overwhelming symptoms of what seemed like a summer flu, my mind mercilessly flung a harsh judgment at me: "You're a failure!" 

My mind was swimming in negativity—even using the fact that I started out as a health coach—and used that energy to beat me up, saying that I should have known better ("use bug spray *every* day at camp, not just the first day!") and "this shouldn't be happening because you're constantly working on yourself!"

My inner victim cried "I've had enough obstacles on this path, please don't give me another one!"

During this onslaught I managed to become conscious in order to unhook from all the unhelpful thoughts and identification with failure, seeing them as just thoughts and not who I Am

As I became grounded, I was able to seek for the deeper meaning of what was happening

What came through is the need for conscious self-care, on all levels

As I held space for myself during the first few days

The most profound gift I received was consciously coming face to face with one of the biggest beliefs that's plagued me for so long (and that ironically came out of my misperception of many spiritual teachings—along with conventional teachings) …and one that causes so much pain

It's the belief that everything needs to go my way or else "I'm doing it wrong"

The more we believe that, the more miserable we're going to be 

The truth is that Life will bring us what is most needed

Whether we judge it as "good" or "bad" does not matter

What matters is how we choose to relate to it—we can see it for it's deeper messages and learn the profound lessons of Life, or we can see it as something bad and therefore shut down

And yes—I know this very well!—*choosing* to see the deeper meaning of anything and therefore not taking on victim energy is not easy and doesn't always happen right away!

I fell into the role of victim for years, until I learned to let go of control over what was happening, thereby regaining a sense of true power

This time I could have stayed in victim mode

Thinking that I was wrong and that nothing "ever" works out for me

I could have resisted the antibiotics prescribed to me because as a holistic coach I know what this will do to my gut health

Or I could be grateful to them for helping me work through this time

Being this surrendered helped me stay open to an alternative, holistic and deeper healing protocol, which will nurture me in ways I didn't realize I needed 

And so… how about using everything that Life gives me?

What if I employ this event to become even more conscious and therefore more aware of what my Being needs to thrive in this time?

How about being more present, more nurturing, more aware of what's going on in all ways?

As a result of letting go of judgments about this happening, surrendering to what is and therefore committing to conscious self-care, an entirely different world opened up

I'm not fighting an inner battle
I'm more effective and efficient in anything I'm doing

I'm more focused on doing what it takes to create what I want in life and living as the sort of person I want to be

I'm more open to any interaction that I have with others, even if they aren't treating me the way my mind wants them to

I hold stronger and clearer boundaries with others
I'm even more honest with others, despite the fear that it could hurt our relationship

My love of functional foods has been reinvigorated and I nurture myself with more healing and supportive ingredients

I giggle more and feel pure joy uncaused by outer thing 

I sleep deeper and feel more ease
I feel my body even more, noticing the tingles, slight movements of energy and pulsations

I honor, maintain and adjust my energy level so that I don't burn out…and I have more energy as I do this

Now the energy that pours through my body is more natural and flowing instead of intense

I shed even more energetic tightness so that my face appears clearer and more open

I'm more in-the-moment, noticing outward beauty, inward beauty, hearing Nature sounds and the inner sounds that signal that I'm a living, breathing woman

I ultimately received the gift of directly experiencing the connection, joy and *empowerment* that result when we are present with Life, no matter what is happening

Much Love,
Lauren  

(Picture taken at Connection Camp, unselfconsciously in my Masculine/Yang energy while playing team charades during Color Olympics 💙💙💙, courtesy of Mary Catanzaro 😘)

Light + Dark


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The truth about being a coach is you’re not meant to be someone who has everything pulled together, achieved and perfectly figured out

That’s really not the point at all

It’s to hold space to empower others to live their lives to the fullest and grandest 

And the even deeper reason for being a coach—the one I resisted for so long—is it’s a potent way to grow yourself 

And growing yourself can be painful!

Truly living the life of a coach brings up old core wounds over and over again until you finally can be with them so that they release their hold on you

It took me years to be able to be with the core belief that “I’m not good enough”

I resisted that it was actually present in my experience (I can be quite good at pushing away unwanted thoughts and feelings)

I couldn’t accept that it’s just a belief that I’ve held onto and not who I am 

And what I couldn’t understand once I was able to see it, was that it didn’t have to be obliterated from my world—it can still exist, but not control me

The more I could be with it without pushing it away, denying it or trying to fix it 

The more alive I felt as I surrendered to the pain that was tied to it and let it wash over and through me 

The more empowered I became, as I let that string of words just be there with no attachment 

The more I grew in compassion for every other human who is holding onto the same belief, and similar beliefs 

The more awake I became to helping others unhook from painful beliefs and feelings as well 

 

I could have stayed in a corporate job

With the stability that it provided 

And I never would have gotten to touch the depths of who I am as I have in this wilderness that is my Life 

Each struggle has me become more present,
more surrendered, 
more willing to be with myself—all parts of myself
To hold myself, 
and to trust in what Life brings me

Learning to live by an internal guide 
that has me appreciate all the moments when I reach what I want to create
Yet knowing that the end-goal isn't the real reason I persist 

It’s to be that person I’m here to be, as I continually act in ways that honor what I desire
Working my way through every obstacle 
Coming out Lighter 

And gratefully empowered because I’ve learned to meet, be with, and even Love my darkness

Because I am both light and dark ☯

Much love,
Lauren


Photo credit: Kiersten Gluck 


About Me


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He looked at me with warmth, compassion and sorrow and said "we should end the marriage."

 I managed to push away all words of protestation, but deep in my body I felt a searing pain.

I had a fierce knowing that it could be possible to rescue this union, but I didn't know how and I was tired after months of uncertainty, anger and repeated pain.

So I simply agreed with him.

And so 10 years ago I set off on a path that was fully my own.

This journey entailed me acknowledging that I truly wanted to be free from this relationship, thereby accessing my hidden Warrior energy, and ending all facets of the marriage myself.

This Warrior energy also stirred up a strong call within me for more meaningful work than the corporate work I was engaged in, while my deepening Feminine energy began to realize a desire for true partnership that was connected and authentic.  

I relished those desires and let them incubate, while I used my Feminine energy along with my Warrior to care for my first love—my mom who had been sick for many years and was getting sicker.

Losing her was the deepest pain I'd ever felt, and part of me transitioned right along with her.

I let go of who I was when held in her loving gaze, and opened up to becoming a fuller expression of who I Am.

In the months following her passing, I learned to listen to my inner knowing, even when it didn't seem logical.

This knowing led me to leave the corporate world to become a health coach, without really knowing what that would mean to me, my life and my path.

The process of becoming a coach, and living it, deepened the pathway into myself, stirring up and transforming old and new feelings of pain, limitation and rejection as I continued to step ever deeper on this trail.

Being able to be with this darkness opened me up to the gifts of connection, freedom, purpose, Love and joy.

By entering myself more fully, I entered coaching ever more deeply and I trained tirelessly and enthusiastically, earning another coaching certification, trying out unconventional healing methods, developing skills in belief change and even taking improv classes.

My development rippled out to benefit others as well, and as a coach I grew to have the keen knowing that I am a teacher and a student, a guide and an ally to these beautiful people who I get to call clients and friends.

The seeds of desire that I planted years ago are strong, and they've grown into a coaching practice that is my calling, relationships with men that are conscious and healing, and passionate connection to myself and the world.

This part of my upward spiral has come full circle, as I coach and empower people who are awakening to the deep desire to connect to purpose-filled work, conscious partnership, their sexuality—and Themselves.

Much love,
Lauren

~~

Sunlight poured down on me as I looked up at the brilliant blue sky
Grateful for it's warmth and Love

Feeling the strength it was offering me
Intuiting that it was acting as a catalyst for me to get in touch with my own strength

I let everything empty out of me
To be filled up with a truer version

Becoming familiar with and then reveling in the newness and uncertainty of this act
Letting it all happen in a space that was wide open
Noticing and feeling the aliveness of everything

Opening to the knowing that all that was on my path—and ever will be—is just as it's meant to be

Creating a vision of what's to come
And yet fully surrendering to how it would bloom

Thereby trusting Life

And feeling the freedom and Joy in that

~~Lauren Malloy

Recommit

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He felt so open, so connected and so vulnerable as I started to speak, and I was almost drawn back into him.

Instead I began with the truth, telling him that I was nervous to talk because I feared I would change my mind when I was in his energy.

This admission miraculously gave me strength and ease in telling him that I wanted to end the relationship.

I told him clearly that my desire is to be with a man who is grounded and connected to himself first and foremost, then to his mission and purpose (and kids if he has them) and then to me and only me.

And the same for me… connected to myself first, then to my purpose and then to him and only him.

I ended it with love and compassion.

And I thanked him wholeheartedly for not attempting to change my mind.

If I had, I would be putting his happiness above my own, which was once a huge pattern in my life, and one that needed to remain broken.

With this vision boldly clarified and declared, I turned my attention back to me
To my sacred focal point
To take care of myself on all levels
Knowing ever more deeply that I am the only one who can and is supposed to do it

Recommitting to myself
And to my Purpose
In all the ways it does and will manifest

Continuing to tread this beautiful path as it unfolds right before me … fully surrendered and open

~~Lauren Malloy

 

Me


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I had major resistance to posting this picture and my self-judgment that it's not meaningful  

And I'm posting it because I simply love it….and because I realized that it *is* immensely meaningful 

I know that a big part of the power in pictures comes from who's taking them and how you feel about him or her and the situation you're in 

I love that this one was taken by Me and it shows my pure essence

As I look at it, I feel the joy which is the result of the accumulated energy of all that I had experienced in the potent week that it was taken, along with giddy exhaustion

I feel radiant Love and approval of all that I am, without cosmetic enhancements, as I let my spirit shine through my Being

In it I feel my Little Girl who was re-awakened this year, alive as she ever was and ready to play

I see the woman who feels her unique beauty and radiance and delights in sharing it with others and who sees the beauty and radiance in them too

I detect underlying sadness, perhaps a premonition of what I will soon allow myself to experience and feel 

I notice a woman who's no longer afraid to feel her darkest emotions, knowing that I can be with myself as I feel them and move through them 

I see the pure joy that's possible when I allow myself to feel it 

I see a vulnerable openness that wasn't there before

I see a woman who's not afraid to ask for what she wants and is courageously unattached to the outcome

I notice a woman who more and more has come to love herself as she is, coaxing out an even more powerful version of It

I see a woman who is fully alive and in the present moment

Love (+ Poem)

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14 years ago today I got married.

The truth is I didn't get a taste of what real love is until 7 years into the relationship, when the marriage began breaking down.

The pain of those days impelled me to wake up and I slipped into a different dimension.

That experience gave me the gift of knowing and being the Love that I am, and therefore allowing me to love him in a deeper and truer way, all the while knowing we would no longer be together.

I loved him simply as a human being who is also Love, while loving myself as well.

I was so connected at that time, when massive heart crisis opened me to loving someone without wanting to change them or judge them.

I truly saw him in those early breakup days. I felt his pain. I felt the truth of the new relationships he was forming. And I released my attachment to him, for the good of us both.

But my capacity to love in the midst of great pain was forgotten as I did the necessary work to dissolve our financial union.

Had we not been joined in money, our breakup could have been a beautiful co-creation, which it had already started becoming.

It seems as if one of my life lessons was to forget what real Love is and then have the grace to remember it again, with even fuller consciousness.

Which I do.

I know that Love is who I am.

I am powerfully rooted in myself as Love and I know that this is my solid foundation. The only thing that can shake it is my unconsciousness.

As I am Being love, I feel the freedom that is born from it.

Relishing this freedom, I give myself the nourishment that I kept looking for from others.

That love then sprouts outward to the world, ready to join whatever relationship I'm consciously co-creating in the moment.
 

Love

I stumbled into it

I bloomed into a force of Love and acted from there

In the midst of pain and perceived betrayal

I could see the light within him and I loved him profoundly

I mourned him, released him, freed him to go wherever his path lead

And now I re-learn to be this Love that I always was

Loving myself deeper

*Being* myself deeper

Not looking to anyone to take care of me
or make me happy

Viscerally knowing that it's my duty to do that for myself

Connecting again and again with the highest part of myself in the process

The only way to Be

~~Lauren Malloy

Mourning + Reconnection (+ Poem For Marie)

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Throughout the years that I've been a coach, even a health coach, I notice that I've been so inspired to write about my mom. 

Her passing gave me the push to live an unconventional life, according to my previous standards. 

As I created the poem below, I fully acknowledged that part of my purpose is not only as a coach and spiritual teacher of all relationships (especially the one you have with yourself!), but as a coach in service to relationships where one person has passed, or as I say, transitioned. 

The truth is, this transitioned person lives on as energy, and so does the relationship. 

Part of the work that I'm being guided to do is to facilitate as people mourn the passing of their loved ones. 

This is different than just grieving. Grieving means holding on to the old, while mourning is a purging and releasing, while still honoring and deepening the connection you have with your loved one. 

This also involves (although not always right away) connecting with the energy of the transitioned person, if it's in the highest good of all to do so. 

And so the beautiful process is to grieve the loss if necessary, actively mourn it and then connect with the energy of your relationship with this person right now.

Healing and restoring this relationship gives you the space and energy to create and re-create more beautiful relationships in your life, whatever they may be—relationship to yourself, your purpose, your partner, your children, to life.

~
Part of my deep mourning was the acknowledgment that I was clinging to what my mom's physical body was like at the time she passed. 

And I had the knowing that this is no longer relevant. It's no longer reality. 

Choosing to release those moments of pain and be with her energy in the Now was part of my beautiful work.

~
I have a deep sense that most of us have not mourned those we've lost and are still stuck in grief, sometimes for years. 

If feels as if there is a collective not knowing what to do with someone who's experienced a loss and so we shy away and hope they do some healing on their own. 

But what really happens is because we really don't know how to mourn, the pain gets shoved down and we distract ourselves with the busyness of life. 

This was my experience. 

As I've become more and more conscious and I continue to unfold my path, I know how important this piece is in one's evolution. And I'm awake to the knowing that part of my reason for being here is to guide people in this process.

If you feel stirred by this email and would like to connect about a loss you've had and are open to the possibility of working together in this co-creative process of mourning and relationship reconnection, please click here to email me. 

I'm offering a free hour and a half video call to shine a light on your loss and uncover what you'd like to release. If it feels good to both of us, I will propose a way for us to work together in this process. You always have the option of saying yes or no to my proposal. 

I'm honored to receive whoever responds to this offering. 

Much love always,
Lauren
 

Marie

I realize the pain that I used to feel as I thought of your passing
Was purely the remembrance of what your physical body was like at the time it transitioned

I notice that I've clung to that memory of your suffering
As a way to prolong my own;
Thinking that was the way I needed to remember you 

I now forgivingly perceive that this was a futile way to honor your essence

What *was* in the days and moments before you transitioned no longer *is*

I kept it alive as a memory in my weary mind
Which has awakened

Now I am deeply aware that you still exist as pure energy

And so you are with me always

Within my breath,
encircling me
Cheering me on

How could you not be?

I am bestowed with the grace of connecting with you in each moment I consciously choose to

And I reach you as never before,
Dissolving old wounds

Overwhelmingly, heart-burstingly feeling and knowing your pride and love for me

Honoring and deeply appreciating your desire for me to
live
right
in
*this* 
precious
moment, 
always

Which is where you are, too

I feel your energy as fuller and even more blindingly radiant than it was in your physical body

And I echo your full radiance with absolute glee


~~Lauren Malloy


Picture circa 1983 ♥

 

Chiseler

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Throughout this journey, I've often felt like a huge chunk of marble
That's getting chiseled bit by bit

At times a big piece will fall off the block that is me;
Causing immense pain as it clunks to the ground

Other times it's just subtle shards that slip off;
Which don't seem like much,
But have the effect of lightening me and shifting my perceptions

The more I chip away, the more I think I'll be done.
But I am not!

A different area gets focused on;
And more potential pain

Then surges of joy as I see the resultant growth, manifestations and beauty

Everything that falls away will always be a part of me,
If only as a memory;
But it has served it's purpose and is no longer needed

I love each piece that slides away,
Especially those that caused me the most suffering

Because these have me wake up the most
And learn quickly and intrinsically what I need to

I bless it
I release it
I revel in my work-in-progress-ness!

And I surrender to what must be let go of next

All the parts that I agreed to possess when I came here,
They all serve their purpose;
Even if they appear to be creating the opposite of what I want

My purposeful sculpting reveals the gem behind the fear-laden protective chunks

And has me own that I am a fearless, loving, creative  

Chiseler

 

~~Lauren Malloy

Transition

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When my mom transitioned 5-1/2 years ago, in a way, I did too. 

There was a moment in the hours after she passed that the idea to write and deliver a eulogy for her popped into my mind. 

This idea most surely came from the highest part of me, as the mental and physical parts never would have agreed to this (!), let alone even thought to do it. 

In that moment I took all the growth that I had experienced up until that point in my life and started on a path of my own making. 

I cried sharply as I wrote the words, which seemed to float to me as I sat in my mom's spot on her couch. I could palpably feel her energy with me. 

I read them enough times to be able to deliver them without being completely moved to tears at the truth of them. 

I wrote them to give recognition to the women she was and so that others could get a glimpse of the side of her only I could see. She was a contradiction in a lot of ways, just like me. 

Writing and delivering those words foreshadowed two of the ways my Purpose would unfold. 

As I look back, losing her propelled me to live a life full of love, expanding consciousness and life purpose. 

The experience of loving her in those last few years of her life her showed me how to love myself, others and how to use that love in service to the world. 

Feeling her energy even more strongly now, has me realize over and over again that we really are all connected. 

Her passing called me forward. The difference this time is that I didn't push the thought or desire away. I listened and I acted. Even if I took small steps at first. Especially if I took those tiny steps. 

That calling forward is happening to all of us, no exception. We each have even more that's possible to become and know and experience. 

I listen more and more to what spirit tells me (even when it came to writing this post) and I do it ♥

Much love,
Lauren

 

~For Marie:

9.23.12

I haven't met anyone quite like my mother. She was so incredibly strong inside, despite outward appearances. I saw this firsthand over the last year of her life as she battled another horrible disease. She did it with grace and dignity and always with a good nature, and I am honored to have been on that journey with her.  

You might think her illness made our lives sad, but really the opposite was true. Although we couldn't know she would leave us at this particular time, we all realized our days together were few and precious. So, we lived them to the fullest, given her condition. We took yearly trips to our beloved Boothbay Harbor, Maine, we went out to dinner many, many times and we went on long drives to see the leaves changing.

My mom enjoyed simple pleasures such as noticing when the rose bush she had planted years ago had a bloom, or how beautiful the sky looked when it was filled with cumulus clouds. She loved anytime I brought something new home and insisted I bring it over to her so she could look at it.   

Despite her ongoing health issues, she thought nothing of listening to the troubles of others and through the years continued to add people onto her prayer list, keeping them on even after they had died. Everybody in this room is most likely on her list.

When the situation changed for my Mom as her disease progressed, a different part of her personality emerged. I like to say she became very adorable. She watched things on TV that surprised me such as the X Games, she secretly completed her daily crossword and Sudoku puzzles when she should have been doing her paperwork, she completely charmed any nurse who attended to her when she spent time in the hospital over the years and she fell hopelessly in love with my sister's dog Maddie, even telling one of us that she hoped she died before Maddie did because she couldn't bear the thought of losing her.

I never wanted her to leave us but I know now she is always with us.

She was a confidante, a kindred spirit, a trustworthy co-pilot on long car rides and a mother who never let you forget you were unconditionally loved. 

~Lauren Malloy

 

Photo from 2005

A Relationship With Myself

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What does it mean to have a relationship with myself?

It starts by noticing completely, that I am whole. In this moment and always

No one will ever complete me, because I am already am

And yes, this means everyone else is whole and complete, too!

Someone can enhance me, light me up, shine me up…and I am already extraordinary as I am
I am absolute and they are there to play with in me in divine rapture, our Spirits reveling together

It's taking responsibility for what's mine
If you do something that upsets me, it's up to me as to how I react; it's up to me whether or not I take it personally

It's checking in with myself, using my intuition to feel into what's right
It's making clear agreements with myself

It's being so in tune with myself, with what my needs are and what feels right that I'm able to feel/see/know

what I'm ok with and not ok with in how my lover treats me, or how anyone else does
And it's exercising extreme compassion in how I explain that to anyone

It's knowing what gives me pleasure and allowing myself to fully experience and enjoy it

It's knowing what I want and asking for it, and being aware that I might not always get it
And realizing that it's the act of asking, with love and compassion (for myself and the other person), that is the Liberation

It's being clear on what makes me happy and believing it's good and right for me to be happy

It's really getting it that I don't need to be fixed by anyone, not even myself!
It's knowing the expansion of my consciousness will have me notice and adjust what does not serve me and shifting those wrong perceptions

It's developing such sensitive inner knowing so that anger, irritation and sadness do not derail me
But have me wake up and see that these are all the ways my higher self is talking to me
I notice what they are saying and adjust accordingly, giving birth to new desires

It's feeling connected when I'm by myself

It's knowing what I like and nourishing myself with it
It's taking care of myself, by the things I do and even better, by the words I tell myself

It's excitedly engaging in anything I'm doing alone—laughing hysterically at a funny movie, walking in the sunshine in full consciousness, taking in all the energy and beauty of every display in a museum

It's putting as much attention on self pleasure as I would when I'm with a partner and being willing to be spontaneous

It's being spontaneous with anything when I am by myself!

It's laughing at and with myself
It's having fun with myself
It's being bold by myself
It's taking myself out on a date

It's finding and connecting to that space deep inside me
Reconnecting to that infinite part of me

Realizing that I'm never alone
Grounded in me

It's probing my consciousness
And being clear and rooted as I ask it questions and record the answers

It's weaving this Divine pattern of Love, Joy and relatedness

It's delighting in this Divine enfoldment that is distinctly mine
And ever so gently unfolding it into All That I Am

Much Love,
Lauren

Commitment

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As much as I wanted to be committed and close to a partner

The idea of commitment had been programmed into my mind in a way that didn't feel good

It didn't feel free, which is also what I want!

After thinking for so long that I could only have one or the other

I am blessed to have found and done work to re-program my mind with new, expansive beliefs about commitment

I choose to fuse commitment ~and~ freedom.

What does this look like?

~It's deliberate sex—being aware and present, opening to what's wanted in the moment

Imaginative expressions of pleasure

Talking about what we'd like and not like

And saying it all with full awareness and fierce love + compassion

~Being open to (and even wanting!) the dynamic between us changing

It's adventure and fun and laughter and improvisation

Allowing ourselves and each other to grow and change

And knowing that through this growth we might feel it's no longer right to be together

And being brave enough to let go

~Spending time together in full consciousness, not getting lulled into a routine

Being present and listening with our Whole self and not judging or fixing

And when something irritates us in the other person, looking to see where we do this too

Owning our mistakes, noticing where we can grow, and being transparent

~Letting myself cry daringly with Feeling and in full consciousness and connection as we make love

Knowing the freedom in surrendering as the Divine Feminine

And allowing the force of love and Nature and Spirit flow through me during sex

Peering keenly into each other's eyes until we can't tell one body from the other

~Retaining Who I Am with full clarity and certainty

Living my Purpose in a Divinely Feminine way

Which enhances who I am when I'm with my partner

And holding the same space for him to pursue his Mission

~Having the relationship with ~myself~ be my Primary relationship

And from that place of Wholeness, connecting meaningfully over and over again with Him

With Love,
Lauren
 

Photo Credit: Joshua Bobrove

It's Me

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I was always looking for one answer

The absolute truth

The one "thing" that will fix everything

Getting so high on the expectation that this will fulfill all my desires

And being crestfallen when it didn't live up to expectations or I lost interest or it's power wore off

Until I realized all those beautiful things I found were tools

But they could never replace the most important ingredient in the mix

Me

By placing power outside of myself, I was neglecting the Higher Truth:

I am the one that I've been searching for

As I listened more deeply to my inner being

I saw my Spiritual power

As I expanded my awareness and used my tools with greater clarity

I found such joy in all things

Especially in me. I felt my power. My Spirit. 

This gave me the ability to feel pure love for myself and all things

To create and be in my life, fully grounded in all that I am

Which flows out to everyone and everything that comes into contact with me

And has them see that they have that power, too

The feeling of that love, without needing reciprocation, and knowing that I am the Source of it and create it with my Intention, is one of the most joyous and liberating I've ever experienced

And the exhilarating cycle continues over and over again...

Much love,
Lauren

Photo credit: Joshua Bobrove

My Desires + Purpose

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The desire to become a coach snuck up on me

It was born out of many things in my life being dissatisfying

The deeply buried desire was to be fully Who I Am

Not to have a career that was uninspiring or stressed me unduly

Not to be in a relationship where there was no longer a True connection

Not to neglect my desire for something sexually dynamic, to the point that I felt disconnection

To bring all of me to the surface

I never anticipated how coaching would stretch me as a person, wake me up, have me ~feel~

It turned everything upside down… and the same time, very right-side up

I finally woke up and realized that I wanted to be All of Me, and that I could be

That I was actually made to give my gifts

To help others find their desires and gifts and live them too

I decided that I was enough and I could create the life I desired, whatever that looked like

And I dared to pursue it

Doing things that scared me and pushed me to my edge, but that deep inside I knew were the keys to feeling fully alive

Which has always been my ultimate desire

~To feel fully alive and in the moment~

Appreciating everything

Thankful for every step along the way to what I'm creating

Which I allow to shift and change, if I so desire it

I so appreciate that I get to do this work

That I get to hold space as my clients dream

Holding their vision for them

Coaxing out the amazing desires and visions that lay deep within them

~Witnessing a client own his Masculinity and pursue Feminine women

~Holding sacred space for another man as he questioned his sexuality

~Facilitating as a client realized that the way he was doing one thing was the way he was doing everything (and not liking the results) and changing course to get what he wanted

~Deeply connecting to a client who dared explore more than one ongoing sexual relationship where she was open and honest with all involved

~Seeing another client so inspired that she started pursuing her dream of moving to another country by herself

And all the while, experiencing my own Great journey, as I walk right alongside them

Not as expert (that would mean I'm done learning, which I will never be), but as a champion of them

Seeing their greatness and reflecting it back to them

Feeling love and awe as I feel more and more people waking up

Realizing they can have more in this life

That they were born to have more

Whether it's in a sexual relationship, the relationship with themselves, with their Purpose…And with Life itself

This is the beauty of how I get to live my Purpose
~
What are your desires and Purpose?

If want to explore them, click on the contact link at the bottom of this page and let me know ♥

With Love,
Lauren

Spiritual Sex

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For years I kept sex on the side, treating it like an add-on to my life.

I didn't think it was as important as the rest.

I wasn’t taught about sex in a way that made it feel natural, healthy, necessary.

From my limited perception, grew a desire to know sex as something more.

My desire was to know sex as something Spiritual. (And no, I don't mean religious).

Sex as a direct way to touch Spirit.

Spirit, meaning the highest part of yourself.

Experiencing sex in this way feels alive, feels connected, feels beautiful, feels transformative.

It feels like coming home.

Because that's the energy that created you.

This is the magic that I felt in my sexual energy as a little girl.

Before I learned to hide it.

This kind of sex can be thought of as Medicine.

Healthy, connected sex impacts the rest of your life.

Spiritual sex is at the heart of my coaching practice.

Being connected spiritually to your sex, shifts everything else in your life.

Honesty, kindness, aliveness, buoyant energy, connection and creativity flow.

My mission is to awaken one and all to the magic that is life itself.

And it starts with creative, sexual energy.

If what I've written stirs something inside of you, contact me, and we'll arrange time for a discovery call.

On that call you'll realize what your desires are, what's holding you back from having them and we'll talk about how we can work together so that you get what you want.

With love,
Lauren


908.421.5204
lauren@laurenmalloy.com

Love All of Me (+ Poem)

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At one time I thought that if there were a lot of people in my life who loved me and therefore made me feel good about myself, I would be truly happy

I realized this wasn't the case

I realized it the hard way

I realized it when I lost them to death or breakups or misunderstands or busyness

These people were so important to me and I mourned the losses

And yet they were just masking the fact that I had to be the one who made me feel good about me

To really love myself

To love ALL the parts of myself

Especially the darkest parts that I never wanted to own

I spent too long hating those dark parts and trying to annihilate them from my very being

Not wanting to accept that they will always be a part of me

But finally, mercifully learning that seeing them, loving them and not letting them control me is the only way to be free

Resisting them only made them stronger

The only way to love myself completely is to love all of me

And learn from it all  

Shadow Side

You're the one who truly taught me to love

It's not only the Light that's beautiful
But also the Dark

This Shadow that caused me to want to jump out of my very skin
The one that opposed the masks of Light that I wore
The one I kept hidden like the well-behaved girl I was raised to be

This part who I pushed away and disowned for so long

Taught me to love every part of me
Because that part has much wisdom in it
And much love

And a way to freedom

~Lauren Malloy