When I was in therapy years ago
And I experienced the gift of having a witnesser to the re-telling of my life challenges
I found myself talking about a part of myself previously unknown
This part emerged as a Wise one
One who knew all
The only way I could describe her was to call her “She”
And I experienced her as an energy just behind my right ear
~
The constancy of “She”
The stability of “She”
The groundedness of “She”
Empowered me to face my fears
“She” held me in pure awareness
Ready to meet whatever darkness I was destined to encounter
As I descended into my depths
And ultimately re-emerged
Reconfigured
Renewed
~
As I grew in courage to Descend
To meet and reap the gifts of whatever rupture was happening
I grew deeply in conjunction with her
This timeless energy
Free of thoughts, memories
Aware of them all
But not identified with them
“She” could observe each one
As if they were appearing on a stage right before her
And she was merely watching
Not getting caught up in the acting
Or re-enacting
~
The more I slowed down and
Released the grip of my errant thoughts
Which only caused chaos
Anxiety
Frustration
Unhelpfulness,
I entered into the magical space with “She”
My deepest Being
I slowed down even more
Grounded and fortified by her love and fierceness, her
Cold
—And necessary—
Objectivity
And let all fall away
And I experienced my darkness for what it is
Sharp inner sensations sprouting from deep rupture
Feelings of shame
Painful throbbing from within my heart
•Which are not Me•
Vivid memories of betrayal by others
And myself
And my conditioning
•Which are not Me•
Memories of those who I’d lost
And my mind’s judgment that I had not grieved them enough
And who’s absence left a gaping whole nonetheless
•Which are not Me•
Unrelenting monologues of how I didn’t do this or that right
Or how I’m unworthy
Or how I’m easily manipulated
Or how things didn’t work out so I’m doomed to fail over and over
Blah blah blah
•Which are not Me•
~~
Why would I choose to descend you wonder?
Because I’m already descending
just
by
living
And by being willing to meet whatever is happening in my experience
Life is about going into the dark
Coming back to the light
Tempered
Wiser
Regenerated
An endless cycle
The Wheel of Life (and death)
And as I consciously move with this energy
Go deep and dark when it’s time
And emerge into the light in due time
I’m empowered to journey with ever-changing Life
To access the freedom and Rapture in the flow
Which is the opposite of resistance
In resistance is pain and struggle and constriction and frustration
Sheer exhaustion
Wasted energy and Life
~
“She” awakens me again and again to the gift of Presence that makes this all possible
This here-and-now place
“She” grounds me here
Where I can shake off the shackles of Time
And it’s cronies of painful memories, unhelpful thoughts, sensations, urges and fearful future concerns
“She” unleashes me
Rejiggering my very essence
So I can
~in my reassembly~
Live a Life that’s trusting and generative and fluid and passionate ❤️💦🔥💃🏻🔮
✨✨✨✨
In the video below, I share with you more about "She".
To experience your "She" or "He", your witnessing presence, I've created a daily meditation called The Observing Self.
The more you practice it, the stronger you get in being that witnessing presence, riding all of Life's passionate waves—the gentle and the fierce, and the more empowered you are to really live.
Much love to you 🙏🏻♥️