I followed my instinct on an uncertain path, right to the desire to embody my deep Feminine—as well as my deep Masculine
It wound around and led me to the impulse to see and own my Shadow—as well as my bright Light
And then it awed me into an ache to embody another paradox—my Sacredness and my Humanness
~
I will not lie
Since waking up to spirituality
I’ve wanted it more than anything else!
Yet at times my painful humanity got in the way 😊
Ironically my human mind was creating this desire!
This wanting to be spiritual only
This desire had me try to get rid of painful thoughts and feelings and memories and urges and tendencies
And want to exclusively be in situations with people that let me easily tap into the highest part of myself
Finally I was cracked open to see that I chase the high that I get in love relationships in order to touch my own spirituality and realizing the unhelpful consequences of doing that—all the while still quietly craving them
For it’s all I’ve known and been programmed to want
~
In shunning my humanity and exclusively pursuing my spirit, I experienced the rush of intense energy that was generated and hooked me with each new teaching I absorbed
Each insight that resonated deep within
Every connected experience with another being as I continued to wake up and dance in the Now
I experienced this high, hypnotic, irresistible energy earlier in my life
Long before I really knew my what spirituality was
I felt it each time I unknowingly projected my sacred energy onto a new love partner
As they did the same to me
Seeing something divine in them, but ironically theirs was masked by my own projected divinity
And my mind felt betrayed and bitter when that high intensity did not last
And I fell back down to earth
~
Yet as I continue to let Life lead and I humbly follow
As I come to bow to the Shadow-parts-of-me
And to my deep, buried, instinctual Feminine
I see the beauty in my humanness
The realness of it
The earthiness emanating from it
The actual sacredness that lies within the ordinariness
And that I can have
And that I need
And that I am
Both
(That I am always both)
~
In my humanity
Yes
I can be brought low
And humble
And yet I’m gratefully grounded
Seeing
And letting go of resisting or resenting
The humanness of others
Or my own
In this I’m freed to give up outerworld fairy-tales
Conditioned into me early (and later on) and incessantly
Of a partner (or a purpose)
In this I surrender yet again to the uncertainty of where the path is heading
Living in humanness with (hopefully) openness and kindness and humility
Along with the parallel intention of honoring and living my divinity where it will serve best ✨
~
As I embrace the Human and Divine
I settle in with each
And I travel this newly sprouted part of the path
With the intention of integrating the opposites
No longer lopsided
But moving toward wholeness ☯️
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In this video below, I share more about my cracking open regarding my humanity and spirituality and how to approach this paradoxical realization more fully
Until next time ✨
Much love,
Lauren