Years ago, through suffering and challenges,
I unwittingly began living primal energies of Life—Masculine and Feminine
And I’ve made a deep practice of embodying them ever since
I name them
Not as indicators of gender
But as energy connected on a continuum
Yin and Yang label them more neutrally
Yin (Feminine) can be expressed as
dark and moist
receptive
flowing
inward-focused
related
diffuse attention, encompassing the whole
Yang (Masculine) as
light and dry
active
structured
outward-focused
objective
focused attention on something singular
Masculine feels like the mind and will and logic
While Feminine feels like heart and instinct and knowing that is beyond mind and logic
~
I’ve fallen into the trap of favoring one—or the other
And endured the destruction that ensued
Slipping into inactive depression when I went too far into the feeling Feminine
Or burnt-out as a result of hyperactive, over-driven Masculine
Our culture supports division into polarities and then goes further by labeling one side “good/right/true”
and then glorifying that “good” side
While trying to disown or abolish the opposite
The “bad/wrong/false” side
Which isn’t helpful
Because the thing is
the “opposites”—Masculine and Feminine in this case—
are included within each other ☯️
They are meaningful because the other exists
They couldn’t Be without the other and
They are in a never-ending dance
that’s always changing, just like Life ✨
✨
And I completely get that not everyone buys into this
And that’s ok! I’m not trying to be right
They’re ultimately just words and labels that describe energy and action
I choose to embody and write about them because on a Feminine energetic level—they resonate deep within me
And on a Masculine energetic level—it’s helpful for me to use them!
They’ve helped me understand more about myself and about Life
~
When part of me gets turned on and blissful in response to all the things I want to do and learn and experience and create
I get dissipated
I feel almost nauseous with too much energy
And I become incapable of doing anything
And I can notice that I’ve gone too far into pleasure and rapture
Into my Feminine
And I can pull back
Get centered as my Masculine and
Hold that Feminine creative energy
And channel it into a plan
And then access my one-thing-at-a-time Masculine discernment
And begin to shine a narrow light on the one thing that I want to create in this moment
And how I can structure it so that it can be born in a way that is pure and coherent and embodied
~
And yet I can get just as imprisoned by my Masculine structure and scheduling
Creating a dry existence
Looking only at what’s next on the calendar and what I committed to doing
And I can notice rage percolating as my inner wildness ramps up to destroy these pristine plans
And as I see that I can let some of my Feminine flow
By letting myself feel and express the rage (as I hold myself as the Masculine)
And once I’ve ridden the wave of that emotional intensity
I can laugh and play and connect with others
Effectively moistening the dryness with deep feeling,
Through an outpouring of truth
and simple, human pleasure
~
After a long stretch of being alone, as part of my healing after being scarred through a divorce and yearning to know myself on a deeper and differentiated level,
I learned to consciously access my Feminine energy, thereby unleashing my radiance, opening my heart and learning to trust It’s active reception
And inexorably pulling men into my life
Through that same divorce I learned to access my Masculine energy
To create a vision of life beyond that marriage
And to take initiative to do what was necessary to make it happen
To hold the vision
And to take action over and over and over again
Through stress and overwhelming fear and what felt like almost insurmountable obstacles
Until it was completed
~
And I used both energies almost simultaneously in caring for my mom in the last months of her Life
Using strong, grounded, calm and capable energy of the Masculine to lift her out of a wheelchair
Into the car
Hoisting that wheelchair up and into the trunk
And driving off to the most energetically Masculine place—NYC—for her many chemo treatments
All the while
Relating to her gently, playfully, connectedly and lovingly as the Feminine
As I lifted her
As I held her hand while we talked and drove
And while we spent time together during her treatments
~
And I ended up going deep and dark and earthy to meet my shadow
To continue and deepen my inner work
And to feel all the feelings that this stirred up
In doing this I went to the deep Feminine
The place to do real, emotional, primally deep labor
The other side of this is the higher, lighter, more surface, heroic Masculine energy that embodies ideals that tend to deny feelings
That are more comfortable with logic and thinking and succeeding
With future-oriented goals and plans
(Of which I’m very familiar)
Which, yes, can be very helpful at times
And yet this energy can take up an entire lifetime
It can deny that the Present even exists
And cause us to miss out on experiencing the pleasure—as well as the pain—that is vitally, vividly and meaningfully present within each moment
~
And of course there’s paradox 🙃
Both Masculine and Feminine can seem to manifest in the same way
and yet there’s an energetic quality to each that differentiates them
I can be aggressive as the Feminine in emotion, expressing myself from the depths and power of feeling
Or aggressive as the Masculine in being detached and logical, using the energy of my mind and words to direct power
I can be grounded as the Masculine—centered and stable and capable of being with and holding intense energy
Or grounded as the Feminine—accessing earthy, instinctual energy and being connected and tuned-in to the wisdom of Life
I can be creative as the Feminine by opening to the awareness of what wants to be born through me
Or I can express creativity as the Masculine by devising a structured plan and even the words to give birth to that Feminine visionary spark
And as the Masculine I can be active in my doing
Or I can be active as the Feminine in my reception
~
These words
and what they evoke
Have awakened me
Enlivened me
Taken me deeply into Life
Masculine and Feminine have offered me endless chances to practice acting with Courage
Given form to mystery
Made action—and Life—more meaningful
Even, and especially when I’m alone
The differentiation in energies helps me create change
And unity in the knowing that they are contained within each other
They are textures and flavors of Life
Representatives of diversity and also inclusivity
Giving expression to the Divine, which doesn’t toil in sameness
But in different patterns of unified energy that are eternally winding and unwinding
Creating Life
And igniting it
And I’m full and whole and grateful as I Live them both 🙌🏻☄️💦🧜♀️✨🖤