Years ago I was blessed to be present as a best friend gave birth to her first daughter
And just two, short years later, I was transfixed and heart-cracked-open as I witnessed my mom leave this physical Life
I know it’s no coincidence that I was present for both birth and death
And a memory delivered itself to me as I began writing this...
Hearing the song “Lightning Crashes” by the band Live for the first time many years before, foreshadowed these two linked experiences
And I had the most unusual reaction at the time—I shocked my normally unconscious, senior-in-college self by bursting violently into tears at the beauty, profundity and immensity of what was put into song
~
In being present with birth and death
Being honored to witness two of Life’s great mysteries
I created a knowing that those energies are not that different
Entering and exiting are seeming opposites
Yet to me they felt very connected
Even death held a sort of primal magic
An energy was there that I could only describe as spiritual
And I vividly remember the precise instant that I saw my mom’s spirit leave her body
How it slumped, utterly lifeless, after her essence moved out and on
~
I mentioned recently how my work has evolved into an idea of Holding It All
~Of having deep intimacy with ourselves by holding the “opposites”
Masculine and Feminine
Shadow and Light
Sexuality and Spirituality
~Creating deep intimacy in a relationship while balancing it with autonomy
~And living a purpose while having play and fun and ecstasy too
And it’s about
Holding these opposites too
Birth and Death
For they feel wrapped up within each other
Just as Yin and Yang contain pieces of the other and
Give fuel to each other ☯️
And I notice ...
~When I move into a new psychological space
And give birth to a new paradigm
The old one dies off
~When I completely severed ties with someone who was once closer to me than anyone
I enabled the birth of the re-opening of my heart
And I allowed the budding of a new connection
And in that birthing
An old part
A cynical part
A part that wants me to stay safe
And only doing-my-own-thing
Begins to die
~As I move toward the birth of an older, wiser, humbler dimension of myself
I let the bloom of self-centered youth fade
~As I stay true to the Self who is being born
I let die my self-consciousness of what others think or expect of me
~When my mom died
I released the roles of daughter and caregiver
And before that I let go of the role of wife
And then corporate worker
And in the deaths of those roles
I slowly began birthing the Life I was stepping into and living
~
I have felt the immense challenge of putting these experiences into words
I’ve felt fear that others will balk in response to my sharing of these two paramount aspects of our existence
And I also have a knowing that writing about this—at whatever level I am—is valid and important and heart-felt
I’m here to humbly give birth to—along with many, many others—new consciousness
And part of that is bringing death and birth together
In holding them both as different flavors of the same energy
~
I had a teacher many years ago (in the time leading up to my mom’s death) who helped me see that death can be beautiful
And that enabled me to be fully present to it
That it’s a releasing
No matter what happens thereafter
It’s what we will all experience one day
It’s a sacred exit
Until (if you believe)
Another sacred entrance
A constant flow of Life
And to meet it all with courage and love
And this act of being in-the-moment
No matter what is happening
Is the lesson of a lifetime
That we can live through the mysteries of birth and death
Be true to our heart’s calling
Our heart’s wisdom
Drop into it more and more as we age
Birth and death let us live from our hearts
Releasing mind as master of the ship
It’s a practice of surrender
A way to experience the great, silent void
Pregnant with possibilities
Trusting Life—yet again
And in that trusting
The unending flow of birth and death can be played out
Forever more
While we rise up and courageously live it all
Attending all our births and deaths
With a humility and courage and open-heartedness that nourishes and strengthens and enlivens us 🙌🏻❤️🐛✨🦋
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In this video below, I share about my first true meeting with and honoring of death ✨
Until next time ✨
Much love,
Lauren