I feel vulnerable in sharing that one of the wounds that I nurse within my self at times

Is one that occurred years ago with a coach
who I allowed to seduce me into working with her with the promise of Transformation

Which was to occur within a specific period of time

And by paying a certain (large) amount of money

Almost as if transformation was a physical item that could be bought off-the-shelf
~

Transformation, as I’ve since been blessed to experience it

Is not so easily quantified

It works on you and through you when you least expect it
In the most mysterious and incomprehensible ways

Transformation, as I’ve witnessed, begins with an energetic container of intent in which to hold it’s unknown power

And requires a different kind of perception to notice that it has occurred

Not a Masculine, single-pointed focus that has it’s eagle eyes out, searching for precise, tangible evidence that the thing, the transformation, as occurred exactly as the mind desired it

But the diffused, all-encompassing vision of the Feminine, that sees and takes all in

And that can feel and coalesce the transformation that has subtly happened in all realms

Especially the unseen
The irrational place

The Feminine takes the sphere of the irrational
And elevates it to a place of esteem again

She is the place of trust
Because the thing is

Transformation won’t likely happen in the way our rational minds want
Or in the timeframe
Or even be the kind of transformation originally sought after

Because we don’t always get to determine what the transformation will be!
~

I enrolled in a program years ago with the desire to connect my spirituality to my sexuality

Part of the effect of that effort was my transformation into someone who stopped drinking almost completely

My rational mind never could have conceived this as being necessary!

But in the knowing realm, connecting to others intimately, vulnerably and soberly—a place where embarrassed excuses and places to hide were obliterated

Was a necessary part of the ongoing journey of connection to the mysteries of spirit and sexuality
~

I once worked with a beautiful woman
who most ardently wanted to know her purpose

And in the time we coached together her mind fought all attempts made to unearth it

For it was not yet the time for this awareness

What transpired instead was that in the wake of our time together, her Feminine energy was brought out to glorious power and potency

This was the transformation that Life intended for her at that time

This was the part of the path that she was meant to Live at that point on her journey
~

Transformation is the realm of the active aspect of the Feminine and suggests another of Her qualities that’s necessary to birth it into being—Surrender

A deep surrender is invoked to allow
The way transformation happens
As well as it’s timing and it’s form

And even (especially) to the pain that comes at times with transformation

Because transformation most often requires destruction of what was

It’s a true letting go ✨

As I surrender to transformation
By igniting the engine of transformation
Which is the fire of my consciousness

I’ve had to be willing to be peeled like an onion
To notice the shock as I see my shadow layers
The effect they’ve had on myself and others

To see where I have wounded and been wounded

To go into that pain
To experience it
To honor it and Live it

Not for the sake of simply feeling pain
But to honor what is
In the service of birthing something new
Of bringing forth new Life

Knowing that I will be held by the deep Feminine
And her desire for life-affirming, ever-constant change and growth
~

What I learned with that coach all those years ago is that transformation doesn’t happen because a charismatic, ambitious woman promises it to me

Or because I paid a lot of money for it, so I deserve for it to happen

It happens when I’m willing to let go of control
To create this condition for “it” to happen

To let go of what “it” is
To surrender to what Life wants transformed in me
What I’m ready to have transformed
And actively live in service to it
And to Life

Transformation cracked me open through its brutal teaching with that coach

And it fiercely revealed to me the deepest aspect of I want to embody in all realms of Life, but most pointedly

To do this work, with myself—and with others as a coach

With the utmost Integrity

To use Integrity as a guide in how I act

And part of that Integrity is to be clear on all the roles in a coaching relationship—

That I will actively hold objective, compassionate, flexible, deeply Feminine space for the container of transformation that’s been created

While my client actively lives and acts in service to it, and gives birth to it

While surrendering to Life, which determines All the rest
~

This wound that I nurse
As it erupts painfully at times

Has been my biggest boon and Guide as a coach, and a human

It is a beacon for my continued practice of Integrity

And a portal into the potent, powerful, mysterious realm

of Transformation 💎🌟💗✨🧜‍♀️💦

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

In this video below, I share with you more about why Transformation has been so triggering and why I’ve chosen to write about it and create a group experience with it at the center

May you be opened to the ever-occurring, mysterious, illogical, deeply Feminine realm of Transformation ✨

Much love,
Lauren