14 years ago today I got married.
The truth is I didn't get a taste of what real love is until 7 years into the relationship, when the marriage began breaking down.
The pain of those days impelled me to wake up and I slipped into a different dimension.
That experience gave me the gift of knowing and being the Love that I am, and therefore allowing me to love him in a deeper and truer way, all the while knowing we would no longer be together.
I loved him simply as a human being who is also Love, while loving myself as well.
I was so connected at that time, when massive heart crisis opened me to loving someone without wanting to change them or judge them.
I truly saw him in those early breakup days. I felt his pain. I felt the truth of the new relationships he was forming. And I released my attachment to him, for the good of us both.
But my capacity to love in the midst of great pain was forgotten as I did the necessary work to dissolve our financial union.
Had we not been joined in money, our breakup could have been a beautiful co-creation, which it had already started becoming.
It seems as if one of my life lessons was to forget what real Love is and then have the grace to remember it again, with even fuller consciousness.
Which I do.
I know that Love is who I am.
I am powerfully rooted in myself as Love and I know that this is my solid foundation. The only thing that can shake it is my unconsciousness.
As I am Being love, I feel the freedom that is born from it.
Relishing this freedom, I give myself the nourishment that I kept looking for from others.
That love then sprouts outward to the world, ready to join whatever relationship I'm consciously co-creating in the moment.
Love
I stumbled into it
I bloomed into a force of Love and acted from there
In the midst of pain and perceived betrayal
I could see the light within him and I loved him profoundly
I mourned him, released him, freed him to go wherever his path lead
And now I re-learn to be this Love that I always was
Loving myself deeper
*Being* myself deeper
Not looking to anyone to take care of me
or make me happy
Viscerally knowing that it's my duty to do that for myself
Connecting again and again with the highest part of myself in the process
The only way to Be
~~Lauren Malloy