Become Empowered to Have It All

The biggest breakthroughs I’ve had in my desires to have it all—the partner, the purpose and connection to myself

Haven’t come as a result of working directly in sessions with a coach or therapist

~They came through holding myself with awareness, groundedness and Love

~While learning through books and then experiencing that understanding as I made direct contact with Life

~And by living my value of Courage in letting everything become my teacher

 
The truth is
For a long time
I resisted a lot of what those coaches and therapists were trying to reveal to me

I was in ego mind

I was trapped in being a victim
Getting triggered by old and new wounds
Unable to move through the resistance

I was mistrustful of my teachers (at times for helpful reasons)

And I honestly wasn’t in a place where I could have major breakthroughs
Despite what my mind wanted

And ultimately, I was crushed by the perceived immensity of what I wanted
By all the obstacles that were created by those desires (mostly generated by my mind)
Like “I’m not worthy of having it all” and
“I have to work through so much stuff before I can have what I want”

And by how long I thought getting it all would take

 
~So, I learned to humbly walk my path instead

~I learned to unhook from my ego mind

~And I was led to the truth that it wasn’t about getting all the things—the partner and the purpose
But to begin living and acting as the woman I most want to be within the relationship with a partner, a purpose and myself

~And I kept getting better and better and better at surrendering to everything—including the desire for breakthroughs!

And through that, I learned to experience breakthroughs on my own and ultimately

I learned to become my own coach

Because the thing is

All those things that a coach might intuit about what’s happening for you
Your blocks or blind spots

You already know what they are!

They’re already floating around in your consciousness
You’re just so hooked by them that you think they are you!

And you can learn the skills to separate yourself from them
To hold yourself courageously enough to see them without judgment 
And to continue to take action that’s fueled by how you want to live this Life—which are your desired Values

Deep down you know yourself better than any coach ever could
You know the things that you hide from others
You know what hooks you
What triggers you
What stops you dead in your tracks
Even if you’re not fully conscious of them right now

And most practically
Why rely on others to hold space for the obstacles that inevitably pop up (for all of us!), when you’re with yourself all of the time

Why get wrapped up in coaching (or therapy!) for years
Rehashing the same issues
And feeling disempowered in that endless process and
Creating more unhelpful fusion with your mind

And so
I’m inviting you to take the first step to
Become your own coach

By joining me for a free, hour-long Valued Direction Discovery session over Zoom

In this session you will uncover
~What you want

And more importantly

~You will discover your Values—which are how you want to act as you move toward what you want

To live your values means you are Living and acting as the person you most want to be in Life

The kind of person you’d be proud of on your deathbed (yes, it’s that serious)

Whether it’s someone who acted with Integrity and kindness as Life threw challenge after challenge at him while he lived his Purpose

Or someone who acted with loving Boldness in their partnership—practicing opening their heart over and over and over again, while also honoring their boundaries

Or someone who treated herself with self-compassion and self-respect and self-love as she moved through old programming, ancient  wounds and unhelpful thoughts on her way to becoming her most beloved Guide, coach and friend

Discovering your values means you get clarity and direction and perpetual guidance in living a life saturated with aliveness and purpose and meaning

No matter what you are getting

~In this session you will also become aware of the (totally normal!) obstacles that you face on your path to living in your desired valued directions

Which means you will be growing in and using the power of awareness and thereby using everything to help you in living a values-guided Life

~You’ll also be lovingly held as you learn all the things you do (that we all do!) to manage the discomfort that comes up in response to the obstacles

Which means you get an experience of empowering awareness that’s needed to notice what’s taking you off your path and gives you the choice to reorient yourself back onto it

~You’ll also learn about the self-empowerment skills that I teach to hold yourself in the midst of whatever obstacles come up and to handle them

Which means you have the opportunity to begin learning the skills to become your own coach, so that you can continue to walk your unique path

 
~If it feels energetically right, I will ask if you would like to coach with me to begin learning and experiencing the foundational skills to become your own coach

Yes—I will ask you to work with me as a coach, while telling you that you ultimately don’t need one!

I’m offering this possibility because I know that it’s helpful to have someone who’s already become their own coach create the context in which others can become their own coaches too

~Your Yes or No to this question will be respected, and whatever you choose, you will leave the session with your values—your intentions for how you want to live this Life—uncovered

Which means you get to experience the value of self-empowerment in your decision and I get to experience my value of Integrity in offering you a choice and respecting your decision

In offering these free sessions while releasing the outcome, I will also be living my value of spreading self-empowerment in this world

And so, would you like to have a Valued Direction Discovery session with me?

Would you like to uncover your desires and most importantly, how you’d like to act and what you’d like to stand for as you walk toward them?

Would you like to learn about the skills to become your own coach?

If your answer is yes, please email me saying that you’re interested in having the free, hour-long Valued Direction Discovery session with me and I’ll respond so that we can set up time to have it

I have space in my Life to work with just four new people, so if your answer is yes to the session, email me as soon as you can

May you continue to grow in clear-direction, Awareness and open-heartedness as you live this precious Life 🙌🏻✨❤️

Much love,
Lauren

✨✨✨✨

In the video below, I share with you a bit more about the journey to becoming my own coach and the invitation to join me in a Valued Direction Discovery session  ✨❤️

This is What's Getting in Your Way

I let my mind run my Life for years

Even when her thoughts created feelings of
Depression
Jealousy
Sadness
Anger
Frustration

She controlled me

I knew it and let it persist

Because I knew nothing else!
I was indoctrinated by my environment and our culture to live this way

I let my mind mercilessly compare me to others
~Rehash past wounds
~Act like a victim of my circumstances
~Block true learning in an effort to be “right”
~Easily think about giving up my dreams over and over and over again, when I hadn’t ever fully tried to Live them

I know now that my mind was only trying to protect me
But ironically it created misery

Before knowing this though
I tried to “fix” my thinking
I tried many things to wipe out what she said
Or reprogram her thoughts
With no long-term success

Because as I eventually learned (and repeatedly experienced)
There’s no delete button in the mind!

And then one day
I learned what I could do

I could unhook from her
I could get some distance and
See her words as just content in my Life
Just like leaves floating down on a stream

I learned that her words were only one part of my experience
In-this-moment

Those words weren’t Me
Even if I acted as if they were

Her words weren’t the Truth
—about anything, really

They were like a song playing in the background of my life that I could listen to
Or not

And I learned that I could let my mind prattle on
Endlessly

And instead of being held hostage by her words and what I took them to mean I could or couldn’t do

I could do what matters to me
Over and over and over again

I learned a secret that she won’t ever stop talking to me

Stopping her is not an option!

But I could step back and then choose to listen to her if she was being helpful
Or I could continue walking in the direction of what I wanted to stand for in Life

I became empowered to no longer let her unhelpful words dictate where I had to go

And I learned to let my desired, valued directions guide me instead 🙌🏻⚡️💘

✨✨✨✨

In the video below, I share with you my biggest awakening regarding my relationship to my mind and the practice that's empowered me the most.

After watching it, download the daily practice meditation that I've created for you called Leaves on a Stream, so that you can also begin to empower yourself to create a different relationship to your mind and develop deep intimacy with a partner, a purpose and yourself—no matter what obstacles your mind throws at you.

Much love to you 🙏🏻♥️

Values Can Change Your Life

The truth is, values have powerfully changed my life  

And no, they are not the stodgy things your mind might think of—the things that society wants of us, or ways we “should” behave or what we “should” hold dear

I mean values as Life directions
As desired directions

As Soul directions

They are ways that we freely choose to act while on the road to creating what we most want in Life

~Whether we get those things or not~

The point is to be living in those ways
In-the-moment
No matter what we do
And they bring aliveness and purpose to Life

Values give our lives meaning. They help us live our Life in ways that are uniquely ours

They give us sustenance on a road that can oftentimes be difficult

Because when we are bold enough to want to “have it all”—to create deep intimacy with a partner, a purpose and ourselves—there will inevitably be obstacles that come up!

Because the truth is
We’ve been deeply hurt in relationships
We’ve betrayed ourselves countless times and
We’ve made money in ways that aren’t in alignment with our deepest callings

And we’ve fallen into the trap of believing 

That only a select few
The “successful” ones, are able to have it all
And feel no pain and have no struggles

This myth is disempowering for everyone

And it’s supported by our culture and it’s keen focus on peddling perfection in social media

Which causes even more suffering as we compare ourselves to others
 

Values though
Create a canvas to live a Life steeped in realness, in boldness, in Presence

In what matters to us

Values make goals and pain and resistance and surrender and persistence and Presence meaningful and purposeful

They are the reason for what we do
And they are freely within our control

I can create a relationship while acting with intimacy
And I can also let that relationship go with intimacy

I can lovingly notice and celebrate all the powerful work I’ve done over the last week
And I can also lovingly hold myself in the disappointment of not bringing everything to life in that week that I wanted

I can boldly declare my calling and create big and small steps to live it
And I can also boldly say I need to step back and assess if this is the right direction for me to travel in

All those situations are content in my Life
To come and go

Values however give the context
The backdrop
They are the foundation and filter to live my Life

And what I experience through it all
Is vitality
Openness
Depth
Freedom

Values are much deeper than goals ever could be

They are point of Life and the stuff of It

And they give us trustworthy direction as we set off to live a Life that is true to our deepest heart ♥️⚡️

✨✨✨✨

One of my most heartfelt values is to leave this world a better place for me having been in it, and so I live my Life with this intention in mind

And one of the ways I do this is by writing to you and creating pictures that I intend to convey the energy of change and self-empowerment

And other ways of doing this have emerged as valued actions for me to take on my unique path

So, I’ve started creating videos to connect with you on a deeper energetic level

And I’ve started creating mind maps to explain what I’ve powerfully learned in a way that makes it easy (for all of us!) to understand

Click here to download the “What Are Values?” mind map

And please enjoy my first video below

Much love to you 🙏🏻♥️

The Truth About the Masculine

I poured so much energy and focus into developing my Feminine ✨

I fell in love with her

And I pulled others into that vortex of flow and raw energy and power

And I spent a lot of time trying to exclusively feel good

To be in my pleasure

In a sense I was also in my purpose
But I wasn’t very directed
Or clear on the path forward

And I fought against structure
The kind that I wanted to escape from when I left corporate

And it took me a while, but I realized I had mistaken that type of structure for the Masculine

And I mistrusted it
Thinking it also meant all work and no play
And so I rebelled against my Masculine
Swinging back into pleasure
And denial of pain and purpose and the courage to walk my path

 
Yet in spite of the rapturous detours
I slowly continued to do my work

Discovering and then deepening in practices of surrender and unhooking and presence

Which empowered me to become more and more aware of and commingled with my mission and my path in Life

Little by little
Trusting it
Trusting what I was building

Trusting myself

And then one day I became aware of the most outrageous thought

And with a surprised, out-loud chuckle
I just had to own it

~I’m very much in my Masculine!~

My Divine Masculine

The part of me that is devoted to my Life’s purpose

That creates and holds boundaries so that I have time and space to connect and create in this world

The part that persists in holding the vision and committing and re-committing to walking my path
Even though this most likely means
I’ll stir up emotions and thoughts and memories I’d rather not experience again

My Masculine is what holds my Feminine in the pain
In the disappointment
In the frustration
In the fear
In the hopelessness

In whatever is being stirred up as I walk into the New

And ensures that I’m not overtaken by those internal barriers
That could otherwise surely take me off the trail for months or years

And in that Masculine holding
Something empowering and new and vital can come through 

And I can live a full Life in the midst of it all

This part of me that is focused and holds in awareness everything that wants to be born through me,

Enables it all to be born

This beautiful, divine structure

That let’s my Divine Feminine (creativity and pleasure and love) flow  ☯️✨🌊🌳🔥

 
Photo credit: Nicole Fiorentino

Empowered By Reality

I open my eyes and
See a vast space filled with trees
And flowers
And birds
And sky 

And I marvel at the knowing that
I always had
And have 
this ability
To penetrate ✨this very✨ moment
And inhabit it fully

To love in this space
To mourn in this space
To Live in this space

And so
I feel the warm breeze envelope my skin
I let the vibration of birdsong ripple and reverberate through my body
I let my eyes devour the bright green that is everywhere and
I inhale the scent of sweet honeysuckle that hangs heavy in the summery air

I open up fully to the increasing Light
And the longest Day of the year

And I slowly allow the bliss that I feel
In this most magnificent of seasons

While also noticing how my mind fears enjoying anything too much
Despairing that it won’t last

And I reconfigure my focus
And step back again
Viewing it all as my Self

This part that craves experiencing everything
Including the darkest, coldest, most melancholy day
This part of me that leaps to make contact with Life’s biggest challenges
Knowing that there’s deep richness and meaning and aliveness in meeting them

In these things that my mind tries to push away
And

✨I✨ take in all that’s before me
In this most bountiful
Hot
Bright
Grounded
Potent
Magical season

I let it fill me up
Energizing my desire

To live wide open as a body of Love 🔥🌺🌳🙌🏻❤️🦅⚡️

Embracing My Fear, So I Can Grow in Empathy

I’m feeling anxiety as I share this
Because I’ve always been in my world of white privilege
And I’m at the very beginning of learning to actually see it in order to move out of it

As I emerge, I feel shame for having been in it

And I choose to emerge because I want to grow in awareness, empathy and compassion

And I open up to the fear and uncertainty that comes with this growth
And I unhook from the thought that I’m not doing this right 

And I share these words from my friend and Sister Goddess, Antoinette Cooper:

America is built on racism. It is so woven into the fabric of the American identity that to protest it is to be unpatriotic and unbecoming. Speaking up and saying “no more” means that one is being controversial. Speaking against it can mean that one is not spiritual enough, or is bringing politics to the table. There is an expectation of silence. And in the silence Black people are dying disproportionately from racialized violence and inequities in every system. We have now reached a tipping point and the America of tomorrow cannot be the same, but even as we exist in this rupture, what is happening to the Black body?
.
Racism is deadly for our health and well-being. I fear racism and it’s impact more than I fear the coronavirus. The anger, rage, fear, and trauma has been and continues to be embedded into our gene code. How can we get free from the tyranny inflicted upon our beautiful Black bodies? How can we transmute all of this pain when the American ritual is the denigration of the Black body?
.
In contemplating these questions and more I have created Black Exhale because if we can’t breathe, then we must holler. Black Exhale is about Black folk collectively embodying and releasing their shadow emotions, while allies practice holding space in order to increase their capacity to be a witness. This is about healing. This is about declaring Black Lives as safe and sacred.
.
Please share with your communities and follow @BlackExhale to receive more details about participating in the coming days. Asé.
.
#BlackExhale
#BlackLivesMatter
#BlackPainMatters

I Dropped the Struggle With Life, and Learned to Live It Instead

I’ve been using this unique time as a crucible

To integrate what I continue to learn that helps me live my purpose and to create a Life of meaning

And I feel vulnerable in sharing this 

But I once worked with a coach who charged an insane amount of money

And pushed me to do things waaaaay outside of my comfort zone

And I agreed

Because I had feelings of anxiety and insecurity
as I made my way through
the wilderness of working for myself
Of creating my own path
And realizing again and again and again just how challenging
This road that I thought would be easy
Really was

And in a way I wanted her to save me
I believed that working with her
Could guarantee my success 

Knowing Now that she could never do that
Nobody can do that!

I bought into her confident Beauty and
Air of spirituality

And each session she would fill me up with her energy and inspiring words
And then send me out into the world to do my action steps

Without an effective way to handle
The inner obstacles that were raging to the surface

And since I had no real skills to
Handle what came up
I just relied on my ability to
White-knuckle it through painful and uncomfortable situations

As a result, there was no sense of aliveness or creative action in the process
—I wasn’t dialed into the deeper reasons for doing what I was doing—
And so I didn’t experience the vitality that’s possible even in the scary actions

Unable to be compassionate with myself when I “failed”
I got thrown off into the weeds of all the unhelpful things my mind said about
How I wasn’t good enough to do this work
And how nothing ever works out for me

And I spent a good deal of time trying to
Distract myself from the feelings of unworthiness and hopelessness that those thoughts created within me

And I suffered internal rupture after rupture as I persisted along my path

And I came to know that there’s a gift in every painful rupture
Even in the rupture of my time with that coach

There were in fact many gifts

~Along with being stretched as a human,

My time with her
Opened me fiercely to my Spiritual nature
And my Divine Feminine energy

~One the biggest gifts I received through the pain of those experiences

Was revealing
How I wanted to act as a coach

With Integrity
Compassion
Intimacy
Empowerment

To be fair and honest in how I sell
As well as compassionate in my pricing

~As I experienced myself floundering and making myself wrong because obstacles came up

I learned to honor where people are (including myself)
Not strong-arming them into doing what I think they should do

But showing them how to truly
Handle the obstacles
That will inevitably show up
As we take purposeful action

~In experiencing a coach who didn't show vulnerability

My mind began to believe that she was perfect
Inhuman almost
And my time with her felt even more painful
As I endlessly compared myself to her

In this pain I learned to
Reveal my vulnerability

To honor that as humans we are very similar
That we are all walking our own paths
And that we can get better and better and better at traveling them
And to deepen in our presence and enjoyment of the journey as we meet all manner of experiences and people
Who challenge us and help us grow

To do the very best we can do in each moment
While knowing, without judgment, that we can always do better

 
~The ultimate gift from that time was the struggle itself

If I hadn’t failed so hard and so often
I never would have continued to
Expand as a coach
And as a human

To persist in order find ways to be with—not get rid of—all the stuff that gets
Stirred up
As we are so bold to live this Life to the fullest

Through that pain
I learned to be my own coach
And to show others how to be theirs too 🙏🏻🙌🏻❤️

Photo credit: Tristan Woods

It Didn't Have To Happen—But It Did

I had a moment of deep surrender back in November

Life delivered a rupture to me and asked how I would handle it 

It was a thing that in no way had to happen!

[I got myself into an accident and ended up with pretty bad injuries to my left eye—a story for another time 😊]

This thing that happened
I did not handle it well at first

And my mind berated me
Listing all of the things I could have done differently
Marveling at the silliness of it all—this most definitely did not need to happen!

And yet it did

And here I was
Stuck in my judgy and fearful mind

 
And then I woke up and remembered

I don’t have to like what happened
Or want what happened

But I can accept and surrender to it happening

Because struggling with it
Only makes it worse

It takes the clean pain of it actually happening

And amplifies it by creating the dirty pain of struggle

Which causes even more suffering 

And so I dropped the struggle with this thing
And I accepted and surrendered instead

Slow at first and then deeper

And through it I learned to hold myself more profoundly
As the Divine Masculine
As my Self

I held myself in the trauma
Unhooking from all the things my mind told me that were not helpful

And I was able to find the gift in this recent rupture

To be able to be with and go into a rupture
That’s literally
on
my
face

Screaming to be seen

To feel into what it’s like for a woman
For anyone
To carry a trauma so present

The gift is that it strengthened my ability to be with and in anything
Including most definitely this pandemic time

With self-compassion and self-love

 
In the days and weeks and months that followed

I found myself also surrendering to how the wound has been slow to heal in some ways

To how it scares me to think about what it will be like to actually see my face age as time goes by
(And to unhook from my mind’s judgment that I’m superficial for caring about such things)

And I’m able to go past what I look like on the outside
Past the thought that the scar tissue under my eye still hasn’t gone away
Even past what I might look like as I age

I go through it all
Right into bringing out more and more
Of the deepest part of me
The timeless part of me
And the reason I’m here

To teach about and hold space for rupture and
surrender and acting as the deepest part of ourselves
The part that is here to live a full and vital life
—in the midst of whatever happens

While learning to unhook over and over again
From every unhelpful thing our minds will say to try and stop us from doing that ✨

Much love to you 🙏🏻❤️

I Created A Free Ebook For You—It's Called Having It All ✨

As I continue to trust Life more and more

I surrendered to this quarantine time 

I went deeper into self-care

Self-nourishment
Self-study
Self-intimacy

And Full-on Creation ✨

I downright reveled in the gift of time that I was being given

Intuiting that it will not show up like this again

I grabbed it greedily and knowingly and I created from the depths of Who I Am

I infused all that I’ve learned in this Life so far
And what I stand for as a coach and a human

I let that information flow
Just as if I was giving birth to my Self

For surely I was

~And what I created is a free ebook entitled *Having It All—Creating Deep Intimacy with a Partner, a Purpose and Your Self* 💫

~And I poured out who I am and what I do onto the pages of this website

As I did this, I felt fear and anxiety at the prospect of putting out something so vulnerable and meaningful

As well as excited turn-on in midst of creating something so alive, bold and potent

I felt the full range of emotions in giving birth to this work

And I sit here feeling giddy and well-spent

As I offer it to you ✨

To receive my free ebook *Having It All—Creating Deep Intimacy with a Partner, a Purpose and Your Self*

Sign up for my newsletter at the bottom of my site

Here you can also read more about my journey so far, about the coaching work that I do and what I believe ✨🔥

Much love to you,
Lauren 💫🙏🏻♥️

P.S. I also did my first Facebook Live video (!) about my ebook creation, you can see it here.

Trusting Life

I’ve never resonated with the word Faith

In my mind it was too wrapped up in religion
And rigid rules
And how I seemed to always be doing it wrong—in relationships, or work, or just in Life

It seemed too much like wishful thinking
Or burying my head in the sand

Because what if the things I was putting my faith in didn’t work out in the way my mind wanted?

What if I lost people that I had faith would be ok?

Does that mean I’m unworthy of faith?

Ultimately my mind didn’t really understand what faith meant

And as I’ve lived a Life
That has been full of tragedy and triumph
And every shade in between
And as I’ve practiced being with it all
Living everything that Life is offering

I came to learn a different way to think of faith
Using a different string of words
To describe what is very intangible:

~Life is not always likable, but it is trustable~ (Mary O’Malley)

Those words describe dropping the struggle with anything that’s happening

It’s the struggle that causes the most pain

In those words I can let go and move forward
I can see and trust Life as a process of unfolding
Giving experiences that challenge me
And also hurt me
That give me opportunities to accept everything
To unhook from unhelpful things my mind is telling me
To be present with what is happening

To look at obstacles as ways to grow
That give me chance after chance after chance to live as the person I choose to be, no matter what is happening

To life a Full life, which includes everything—pain, joy, rapture, frustration, isolation, adventure, intimacy, failure, Love, and sometimes even death

I’ve learned that we came here to experience it all
With no distinction between what our minds would label good or bad

To experience everything directly
Without defense
Even our worst fears

And to experience that
No matter what is happening
There is a place deep inside of us
That looks out on the world

A place from which we witness everything
An anchor to hold us steady in the eye of the storm of Life

This place from which we look out
Is the same place we viewed Life when we were little
It’s the same place we viewed Life 10 years ago
And last week

This is the locus from which we can learn to make room for whatever we are feeling
To see thoughts as just thoughts
To be present with it all
And to act in line with what we want to stand for

In the midst of this ongoing
Ever changing
Experience called Life

From this place
We can experience aliveness
In moments of joy—and also in moments of pain

Much Love to you ❤️🙏🏻✨

Photo credit: Tristan Woods

Giving Birth To Relationship Values

When I wrote what you’ll read below
It was the middle of last week
And the depth of what was happening
Was not yet clear

And as I went to post it somewhere else last Friday
I judged myself
Thinking it wasn’t appropriate to the time

And yet for quite a while I’ve been learning
To trust where Life is steering me

And last week Life
Filled me up with inspiration, meaning and energy as I wrote these words

I swam in the knowledge
That one of the things we can control in this life
Is what we value
Acting like the sort of people we want to be
—No matter what is happening

Not because it’s expected of us by society
Or how we “should” act

But because these ways of being are meaningful to us
We freely choose them
It’s as simple as that

And a lot of the time
Our pain starkly illuminates
What’s most meaningful in Life
As you’ll see as you read on

Sending much love and good energy to you ❤️🥰✨

 ~~~~

In my pain I discovered how I want to act in a relationship and what I want to embody

Being willing to dig deep into this wild and fertile territory tested the limits of how strongly I can hold myself

And writing about it allows me to continue to {know myself ever more intimately}

As not just one bygone relationship served as inspiration

They all came together to offer the gifts buried inside the ruptures

....And right now my mind is wondering whether your mind will judge me for writing about too many lovers—or too few 😊

No matter...

~~

I met a man when I was 23, right after losing my father

As I look back now, he was young and people-pleasing, rigidly rule-following, and he fiercely avoided deep feelings—which I realize was exactly like me at the time

What emerged from this union
Was the utter necessity of deep

{Surrender and Acceptance}

To move through painful experiences
Using the pain to come more and more {Alive}, conscious and connected

To be real and {Authentic}

Saying the truth—no matter how painful it might be—with the utmost {Compassion}, in an ongoing way

Connecting deeper and deeper on all levels instead of oftentimes tipsy co-mingling and surface talk

In experiencing this relationship, I also learned that there’s a Masculine energetic part of me that desires freedom and a Feminine energetic part of me that desires love and connection, and my deep desire is

{To honor both the Masculine and Feminine in me} ☯️

—To love intensely, without getting swallowed up and losing mySelf

~~

In aftermath of the next, and most challenging relationship with a man I’ve been in

I straight up realized how desperately I needed {Boundaries} above all else

To {Communicate cleanly}
And to stand up for myself with {Assertiveness}

Instead of giving up and
Giving in to
Financial and bodily demands

With no true sense of meaning or {Deep Connection}

Feeling into what my true desire is
Speaking it and holding it,
Not caving because it was easier
and because I was afraid to lose his love

The power and possibility were there and were overwhelming
And we just didn’t know what it took to
go deep and real

And what I realize profoundly
Is that {Friendship} was not the basis of the relationship,
and so a partnership imbued with {Empowerment} had little chance of being born 

~~

And then there was a man who worked with his hands
And used his whole body to interact with the world

I surprised myself at how I
Met and matched his {Passion}, fire—and arrogance

In the wake of that merging,
I learned that men weren’t the enemy

And that I wanted (to be) someone who could {finely tune into the moment with their whole being}
And fiercely {own their Desire}

And that I wanted to act with {Kindness} in a relationship above all else
instead of knee-jerk explosive reactions

 ~~

And then
I was with a man who
felt like a true match in so many ways

And yet
I hid from him

Quite frankly
I was
Awestruck by the depth of feeling and power that we generated together

And I was not yet able to stand in that energy
To reveal myself fully to him
And to {Open in boundless Love, feeling and truth}

I wasn’t able to be fully present with how he could penetrate me body, mind and spirit

I couldn’t yet stand in who I am, unflinchingly

So I shrank and hid
Falling into old patterns of coasting, unconsciousness and resultant boredom

Unwilling to look at old wounds that were
Surfacing
Unbidden
Begging to be held and moved through

In hiding the depths of my truth
I wasn’t yet able to unleash the magnitude of my being and Love

And so I thereby kindled the desires to

Grasp the hand of {Courage}
in order to be
in-the-moment {Present}, 

To be {Vulnerable} and {Authentic}

And to reap the ultimate gift of
{Connection}

~~

And then there was
A man who’s 
Deep presence and feeling
Amplified my own

Getting higher and higher on the energy we created together

Getting stronger in being able to hold
And move through
What was so poignantly getting stirred up
In the stew that we created together
From our passion and pain

A man who had huge desire
And hadn’t yet grown into the kind of person who could hold it all

And I judged him harshly as not taking care of himself

And then I came to the deep place where I saw that he—just like each of those other men in certain ways—was my mirror

And in my evaluation that this particular man couldn’t take care of himself

Had me admit that I couldn’t take care of myself either

And so I began learning ever deeper how to take care of myself on *all* levels—emotional, physical, sexual, financial and Spiritual

And the value of {taking care of myself} that emerged from that beautiful relationship comes together with all the other valued gems I’ve gathered on the trail

To inform and guide how I want to act in a relationship

Letting them call out to me like bright, bold, beautiful beacons on the journey

And as they keep me on the path that’s true for me

I feel utter gratitude to have met each of these men, who co-created these {desired ways of being and acting} with me 🙏🏻✨❤️
 

Photo credit: Tristan Woods

This Picture

In the days leading up to this picture being taken

My mind grabbed a hold of me—telling me that I looked too tired

That I’d been eating too much and was bloated
~

I unconsciously let those thoughts blend in with who I am

And it was as if I was looking out from those thoughts just like I had put on a pair of tinted glasses
~

As those thoughts became part of how I saw the world,
Feelings of anxiety and unease permeated my experience

And my mind continued to churn out thoughts,
Telling me to cancel the shoot and to reschedule once I was better rested and properly nourished ~

I almost let those thoughts dictate what I did
~

Instead, I was able to notice my thoughts *as* thoughts

And I chose to hold them lightly instead

I looked at the purpose of them —to keep me safe

And then I remembered how I want to live my Life —with courage and authenticity
~

If I had listened to my mind’s call to stay safe

I would have experienced short-term relief in putting off the shoot

But in the long term I wouldn’t have been living my values—or my Life

I would be narrowing my experience

Instead of staying true to what I want to create:

Pictures that are like poetry

That are infused with how I want to act in the world and
How my work feels

Open
Connected
Courageous
Self-Empowered
Purposeful
~

On that day
The thoughts were still
part of my experience

But I was no longer
getting tangled up in them

I wasn’t acting from them

They were still there

But I had taken my power back
And so

I dropped into the moment
I felt the energy of the day
My gratitude for finding this passionate, enthusiastic and gifted photographer

I heard the birds chirping madly

Felt the bitterly cold wind
whipping around and through
me and my dress

I immersed myself
in the green of wintery Nature

Felt the lifting of my energy
Infused now with something more

Grateful and radiant in the knowing
That I could continue to move ahead
in this moment

I let the process of thinking
just *be* there

While I accessed
the depth of True experience instead
~

If I hadn’t shown up to that shoot

I wouldn’t have been living my life’s work:

To own my authentic Path
To trust what Life is offering me
To continue to act in ways to live as I desire

—No matter what unhelpful thoughts and feelings show up  💚🌳💙

Photo credit: Tristan Woods

Desires Vs. Something Truer

During my early days of coaching and being coached 

I bought into the idea of living Life by “following my desire”

What my mind took this to mean was realizing what I wanted—some thing or some person—and then doing the work to get it

Oh the ways this thought-idea messed me up!

~In one sense I took this way too far by blindly following desires 

Hooking into situations that had limited meaning or substance 

I was ultimately blessed with some powerful experiences 
But I wasted a lot of time in the process 

I was essentially being guided by desires generated by my self-concept, or ego

Wanting more clients to feel competent, successful and self-confident

Courting attention from others because I desired to feel good, to feel as if I was enough and to feel wanted 

Ultimately I didn’t want to feel how I was feeling at times (overwhelmed, anxious, incompetent) or acknowledge my painful thoughts (“I’m not good enough”—yet again!)

I was turning my back on my own experience 

When the deep truth is that on a higher level, I chose this path to grow, to move through my outer and inner wounds, to experience all of Life

~In another sense I was blind to the truth—a lot of the time we just don’t get what we desire! 

Especially if we set a goal (desire) with a definite end date

But if we do get the desire, now what? Create another one?

And if we get that desire, it might be different than we imagined—Life might be opening us to pain for the purpose of growth and fully meeting Life

What I’ve humbly come to learn is

Life knows better than me what is right for me

If I had received all the clients that I desired when I first started coaching 
I never would have persisted in developing myself as a compassionate human being, 
willing and able to help others live Life as they desire 
by teaching them how to empower themselves amidst the painful obstacles that inevitably occur
when we are bold enough to live an awakened, meaningful and connected Life 

If I had gotten the connected partnership that I wanted 
I never would have learned to unhook from my ego mind and connect to myself in that way first—the ultimate relationship Foundation 

I never would have discovered my desired ways of acting in the world—what matters to me, what I want to stand for in Life, what qualities I want to infuse in the way I act—no matter what I’m getting or doing 

I never would have learned this kind of self-empowerment 

When I was married, we had a desire/goal of renovating our house 

We got that outcome (not in my desired timeframe)

And when we got it, I felt nothing 

The Life had run out of the marriage because I wasn’t living and acting in ways that I desired in the relationship—or in Life

It didn’t matter that I got the gorgeous house—did I have a marriage where we were acting with vulnerability, care and connection on all levels—physically, emotionally and spiritually?

No, because I didn’t know that was what I truly desired 

Instead of naming desires, I learned to become clear in I how I want to act in the world—whether or not I get my desires

Using everything—especially the pain!—to guide the way 

In the midst of our deepest ruptures, our desired ways of being and acting can be born

As we bring them into consciousness 
Little by little 
We begin to create and act as them 
Noticing how we feel when they Live through us
And how different it feels when we do not

And we can use these desired ways of being to guide us on our uncommon journey 

Having them function like a compass

Experiencing that desired-values are ongoing, never completed 

It’s just like traveling North—there’s always more North to travel!

With desired-values as a guide, we can still set concrete desire-goals

And not get hooked by them 

Those desire-goals can be beautifully-aligned occurrences that we meet along our trail—or not!

And if we should meet them, they will no longer be desires or goals

But we can continue to live in each moment—this Moment—as the people we want to be and stand for what makes Life rich and full and meaningful

We can chase our desires
Or we can live in ways that we desire

This is what we can control 

We cannot control what we get—people or purpose 

Yes, we can act in ways that increase the chances of getting those things 

But ultimately we surrender the outcome—again and again—to Life

And Live instead in full, vital contact with It ✨

Deep Intimacy

I spent years learning to meet, move through and eventually thrive in the midst of painful experiences in the outer world—death, divorce, the selling of a beloved house

My most formidable challenge in this realm, however, was keeping up the demands of a job in the corporate world

My mind felt as if I was giving it my best shot—and when it became increasingly tough and no longer seemed to serve me, I decided to leave and work for myself as a coach

I—ignorant in my blissfulness—thought all the challenges and difficulties that were stirred up in that situation (or any) were behind me

That it would be way easier working for myself, armed with my new coaching skills

And so that last day I felt free and giddy as I said goodbye

And the very next day I woke up to an awareness of internal challenges and difficulties that were far more powerful  

Painful thoughts and feelings fiercely showed up as I strived to create a meaningful, awake Life

And it clearly dawned on me that I could no longer blame the outer world for my trials—all the obstacles were squarely within me now

Life had truly plucked me from one set of challenges and plopped me into another that could accelerate my growth—if I chose to meet them with openness and acceptance

But since I didn’t know how to open to and accept difficult aspects of my experience (or that I was supposed to), I walked my path for a long time in struggle with my thoughts, feelings, memories and limiting beliefs

The biggest reason for my difficulties was that I believed that the thoughts, feelings, beliefs, memories were me!

How could I meet them, when I was stuck to them!

It was so much easier to see the challenges in the outer world

My inner world, however, was a foggy mess

Up until that point in my self-development I also unhelpfully learned that if I became conscious of those painful thoughts and feelings, I should reject them, or run away from them

And so my mind tried to fix the problem thoughts and feelings by working to replace them with positive ones, reprogramming them, “tapping” them away

I tried to ignore uncomfortable feelings by eagerly diving into self development programs that I used to get high on connection with others

These methods worked for a while

And then all the thoughts and feelings would eventually come back with a vengeance

And halt me in the tracks of whatever I was creating

In the midst of my alternating times of struggle and ecstasy

As I slowly began opening to painful thoughts and feelings

I realized that what I longed for and was inspired by was a yearning for deep intimacy—not just with a partner and a purpose—but most poignantly with Myself and Life

And yet this strong desire for intimacy brought out even more painful thoughts and feelings

Because what I took intimacy for was only ease, buzz, bliss and connection

If it wasn’t this way, I’d reject others, myself and my purpose

And I would reject Life

Instead of learning over and over again to trust what Life was giving me

I realized that even though I had been programmed to move toward what felt good, what I deeply yearned for instead was to feel

Because if I wasn't willing to feel the painful feelings, at some point I’d stop being able to feel the joyful ones too

And if I can be with all my painful thoughts and notice which ones are actually helpful, I’m empowering myself to hold space to learn the wisdom inside the pain

Which can guide me on my way

And enable me to find sources of joy and fulfillment

By opening up in this way

I became intimate with pain itself

And I developed a new relationship to it

I began to learn from it and act differently in the world

And I realized the danger in avoiding the pain

Much the same as struggling to get out of quicksand will only cause us to sink deeper — and slowly lying back onto it gives us the ability to gradually climb out of it ...

Making expanded, accepting contact with pain is safer than struggling to get away

Living in this way is expansive, inclusive and freeing

I’m no longer rejecting my experience—or myself

And I’m living the ultimate realization that was born from opening to my pain:

Deep intimacy means fully engaging with Life, in all it’s darkness and light ✨ ☯️ ✨

The Way of Self-Empowerment (+ Invite)

The truth is I’m a facilitator of self-empowerment

At one time I was tempted to say that I’m a healer

And if I’m being compassionately honest—that feels too lofty, and gives birth to disempowering thoughts and implications

If I work with someone who considers themselves a healer

My mind will generate unhelpful thoughts such as

“They’re better or more developed than me”

“I’m giving away my power”

“I can’t take care of myself”

“I’m not enough, damaged, broken”


I throw out all these thoughts our minds might say to working with someone on our Life path who says they heal

Because I’ve thought and felt them all

Over and over again

And the thing is, when I fuse with those unhelpful thoughts, they get in the way of any work I’ll do with this person, and they block me from building a vital life


I used to put my own coaches up on pedestals

And my mind used comparisons to them to create thoughts that tore me to shreds because I bought into them


I even considered a former therapist as a healer

And it caused me to stay with her for years and years

Addicted to her supportive form of therapy/healing

And yet through that relationship I was blessed to finally wake up to the fact that I had been acting like a victim, and I was blaming everything outside of me for my troubles

Instead of honoring and putting my attention on the things that I can control—my actions and my awareness

And so in my ever-deepening Life-path

~I powerfully learned that I can’t control my thoughts and feelings, but I can choose to relate to them in a healthy and useful way that has me continue to act in ways that align with who I want to be

~I can’t control what others do, but I can influence them in ways that are respectful to me and them, and release the outcome

~I can’t stop unpleasant things from happening, but I can choose to trust Life and find the growth opportunities that lie within every challenge


I wouldn’t be able to effectively teach self-empowerment concepts and skills to others without meeting my darkness and learning them firsthand

Only by expanding to be with and include my full experience without falling into those feelings or avoiding them, unhooking from unhelpful thoughts, being in-the-moment as my Self, knowing what I wish to develop in myself and taking increasing action to live in those ways, can I truly teach someone else

As much as my mind wanted me to be a perfect coach who has it all figured out

The truth is I’m not fully capable of holding space for others to learn self-empowerment until I’ve experienced both the pain and joy of being alive, feeling the full range of human emotions without getting swallowed up by them—learning how to be with all of myself and how to build a vital life through it all

It was never about being a perfect coach

Or getting all my goals and desires in just the way I want them (if at all)

The truth is I’m human and I will mess up again and again as I live my Life; I’ll repeatedly get hooked by painful thoughts and feelings, and I won’t act like the sort of woman I want to be

And yet when those things happen, I can choose to unhook, to be compassionate with myself, to reconnect with what I value and to act in ways that are meaningful to me

Even though those things won’t stop happening, I can get better and better at making the pivots that have me live a full Life

This is self-empowerment

To pull away from the unhelpful content of our experience, and live consciously and with aliveness in the full context

As I empower myself, I teach self-empowerment to others so they can change their relationship to painful and unhelpful thoughts and feelings; to live rich, full and meaningful lives no matter what is happening, while acting like the people they want to be ✨✨

And as I consider what I’m about to write next, I notice that I’m having a feeling of nervousness that’s centered in my upper chest, that feels like heartburn and is a pale yellow orb with rays that softly emanate outward

And as I choose to let this uncomfortable feeling be there without letting it take me over, I’m able to re-connect with my values of courage, authenticity and self-empowerment

And now I’m able to ask: if you’re reading these words and they resonate with you

Are you ready to take back and develop your power?

If yes, please email me to set up a time to connect over video

During this free time together, we will explore what you’ve been wanting in your life, what the barriers are to those things and the way of self-empowerment

At the end of our time you can decide to begin working with me to build self-empowerment skills, or not

And if the answer to my earlier question is no and what you need right now are the words that I’ve written, May you easily use them to empower yourself!

For I can and do live my value of self-empowerment in more ways than coaching—in the words I write, the simplest things I say to others and when I practice the skills myself

And as I take the self-empowering action of powerfully being with my full experience, I’m able to act like the woman I want to be ✨

My Beloved Courage

Courage took my hand and
Infused my Being with her aliveness, heart-openness and expansion

I had repeatedly offered myself to her and
She finally answered my prayers, as I began to embody her energy

With her guiding me, I released, mourned, stood up for myself, and left

And thereafter I was led to a calling, re-discovered spirituality, and cracked myself open repeatedly

And as I continued down this ever-challenging path, I now found myself struggling with what she would have me do

She led me right-straight to experiencing fear and anxiety directly

And because I had tried everything else (repeatedly) to get rid of those feelings—to no (long-term) avail, I surrendered to her once again, and let her take me right to the edge

And I discovered that I’m meant to feel what I’m feeling without being consumed by it OR struggling with it

And it hits me that the most courageous thing I can ever do is be fully awake in this moment (or any moment) as these unwanted emotions are appearing

Not playing a mind-tape of what happened in the past
Or a new tape of what could happen in the future
But be willing to be right here, fully conscious, no matter what is occurring
Especially when I’m encountering the ferocity of these emotions

In this courage-place,
I re-learn to trust all my experiences

And I enter the space beyond the story that my mind is weaving about these painful feelings, and I meet them directly and un-defended

In this pure place of feeling, I position my awareness on where the emotion-cluster is in my body

I feel it’s edges, it’s temperature, it’s hot spots, the way the energy ripples and waves outward

I keep the part of me that notices fixed upon the pulsating sensation

I notice my mind coming in to narrate and rehash an unhelpful story

I hear those words being spoken
And I let them rattle on in the background as I use my attention to intimately feel the emotion-energy instead

I release the urge to get rid of it or succumb to it, and I slowly unclench my energy

And in this action I experience a feeling of letting go and then lightness and

I open wide to allow the emotion-cluster to just be there

And I experience that it’s not bigger than me

Even if it continues to grow
I can continue to expand around it
And I know that it won’t destroy me

And with the energy of spaciousness, I stay with it for as long as it’s there

No longer letting it stop me

My universe shifts
And I know I’ve found the deepest path of self-empowerment

And I accept that as I continue to grow, awaken and build a vital Life, these challenging feelings will continue to appear

And I realize it was never about getting rid of the feelings or fighting with them

It’s about letting them be there, to come and go as they will, to become aware of the helpful messages they may carry, or not paying much attention to them at all if their messages are not helpful

I sit upright in true appreciation that I have a way to be with them, while still acting like the woman I want to be

A woman who connects, creates, writes, teaches, facilitates, plays, lives and acts with Courage

Meeting everything with the awakened power of her heart

Experiencing the truth that (my beloved) Courage ultimately means “of the heart”

~~Lauren Malloy

Connecting With Life

I unhook from the thought that “I’m not doing it right”

And I just as readily unhook from a very different thought that “I’m kind and people like me”

I’m clearly aware of how my mind tears me down, only to build me back up

And I’m willing to do the repeated action of distancing myself from the “bad” and “good” thoughts

Because both keep me from truly connecting with Life 

When I’m absorbed in what my mind is telling me—whether it’s loving me up or ripping me apart—it’s as if I’ve raised my hands up to cover my eyes

I can’t truly see and connect with what’s before me because my hands are blocking me from my here and now experience

With my eyes covered, I can’t act in ways that I value

If I’m hooked with positive judgments of myself, I lose contact with what’s really happening and what I can do to continue to grow and develop as a person

In unhooking, I choose to stand in a wide open space

A clear place of Self

This unencumbered space frees me to live in a way where I am being kind

Because being kind is something that I value

This allows me to feel my shared humanness with everyone

Enacting kindness for the sake of kindness

Not concerned with what my mind thinks about my actions or if it’s grabbing onto thoughts in order create a high opinion of itself 

Letting go of the results of my actions and what others think of me

Living in the space of Now—continuing to act with kindness to others, and ultimately to myself

~~Lauren Malloy

The Thing I Don't Want to Feel

On this journey of experiencing ‘the rapture of being alive’, I’ve ventured into my darkness, and met grief, anger, frustration, and fear

I’ve taken detours to be with all of them in order to gather their gifts

And there’s one detour I’ve resisted taking

It’s being with the feeling of hopelessness

All the other sharper emotions appear tied to my connection with others and can feel so overwhelming as to make noticing them easy and being with them more essential

Hopelessness, on the other hand, feels very low energy
It’s a vague unease in the background that can permeate and feel as if it’s so much a part of everything, to the effect that it’s not always noticeable

It feels too much like it’s all about me

It feels lonely, cold and desolate

And when I notice that this feeling is present, I’m also aware of the thought that “I should do something (anything!) to stop feeling this way”

Even getting an inkling of this emotion causes me to feel shame—and my inner judger says “you have so much to be grateful for!”, and “you’re not supposed to feel depressed—what’s wrong with you!?”

I also have a story that the intenser emotions are more worthy to be with

And, if I value being True to myself

Can I be with this emotion too?

If I really trust Life
Then I trust what’s right before me

And so I gather the awareness and willingness to open to being with this emotion

And as I remember and then act on my value of courage, I choose to use my mind to be curious about this feeling instead of being a victim of it, and I ask the question

What’s the gift in being with this feeling of hopelessness?

And I receive the remembrance that it’s to let go of the preference of pleasure over pain, good over bad, light over dark, high energy over low energy

To use any emotion—even the perceived lowest—to come into consciousness more and more and more

To ultimately realize and experience that I am not any emotion

I am the witnesser of them all

Just having the courage to notice, name and then be willing to be with this feeling of hopelessness causes me to begin unhooking from it

This little bit of distance from it fills me with gratitude and
I release a sigh of relief
And I begin to let go of the struggle with it

I feel a semblance of peace, tinged with some remaining heaviness

And I again remember this part of me that is non-judgmentally aware of everything

And I close my eyes, and I become the witnesser of hopelessness, rather than the experiencer or fleer of it

I let all remaining thoughts just be there, and I focus efficiently on the feeling

I experience the part-of-me-that-notices this feeling as grounded, ancient, unconditionally loving

Bearing witness to what feels like eons of disappointment, depression, ennui and interwoven guilt

These feelings are like a black hole of nothingness

And they're not Me

They are like the weather that comes and goes, and I am like the sky which can hold it all

I see that they are emotions that I’ve experienced and that my mind held onto and incorporated into a mental construct of itself

As I separate from the feelings
The shame reduces

The feelings are still there—they're just no longer controlling me

In this wide-open sky-space, with my weather-feelings still present, I am free do something that has me continue to travel in my valued Life direction 

As I experience myself as the sky, holding these weather-feelings, and still taking action,
I receive yet another lesson: I am not dependent on any one emotional state in order to experience the Fullness of Life

I honor the irony that being with the perceived lower energy emotions facilitated receiving the unparalleled gifts of self-respect and self-empowerment

And I continue to get better and better and better at traveling this sacred adventure-Path, powerfully equipped to meet all the visitors that appear right before Me

~~Lauren Malloy

Getting Attention

I’m continually learning how to surrender to Life

And so I wrote this post even though it required working through being nauseous and completely fogged, totally at a loss for meaningful words

And then getting even more ungrounded and spewing so many words so as to get re-fogged!

Surrendering to Life means that I trust it—and therefore I trust everything that’s happening in my experience, no matter how uncomfortable I feel with what’s before me

I trust that everything that is happening is offering me the chance to learn and grow and become freer as I get better and better at meeting each experience instead of getting hooked by it, running from it or distracting myself

Despite the obstacles, I knew I would persist and complete this writing

Because two of the values that I live over and over again are Courage and Authenticity

And I trust that what I’m supposed to write about at this time is what’s right in front of me—and I’m ready to truly see it

And so I trust that Life led me straight to a core wound of mine that wants healing energy: a feeling of not getting enough attention throughout my life

It began when I was little, and I was eclipsed by brighter spirits, so I shrank into the background

As a result, I created the beliefs that “I don’t matter” and “I’m not good enough”

That core wound that created those beliefs followed me into adulthood and I can look back now and say it showed up during my marriage

I didn’t realize then how deeply (and unconsciously) I wanted quality attention from him, and when I didn’t get it, I ended up withdrawing from him energetically

Making my way out of that marriage had me step more into my power and begin noticing my desire for attention(—and my disapproval of it too. More about this at another time)

I played with getting attention visually: wearing stunningly high heels in the corporate world, beginning to wear mini skirts after turning 40 and flaunting outright sexy outfits thereafter

And what I ultimately learned was that I could get attention in the purest way—with my energy

And yet Life threw me another test:

I was required to get on social media to market myself as a coach 

This was my biggest challenge
Because this is all about attention!

And the truth is, of course it feels good when you’re posting and getting attention

And horrible when you’re not!

If I didn’t get what I thought was enough attention, up popped the belief that I created when I was younger: “I’m not good enough”
Yet again

When I get hooked by the feeling of not getting attention
And tell myself that “I’m not good enough”
It’s as if I become that thought and feeling
And I’m totally triggered

The painful emotion that emerges from the feeling of not getting enough attention is shame

Which is why I’d distract myself in any way possible in order to avoid it

Until I began surrendering to the pain and the words instead
I acknowledged they were really in my experience
I stayed with them
I felt them
I made space for them to release their energy

In really seeing them and letting them be there without resisting
I realized they are not me

I even befriended them
And I noticed all the other things in my experience as well
Thereby unhooking from them

 I hold space for myself in this way
Just as I hold space for others as a coach 

In doing this, I am giving myself  the gift of quality attention that I so desired all these years

Holding myself as Life continues to trigger those wounds
Receiving opportunity after opportunity to learn how to unhook from them over and over again
Truly seeing them as words or images, not Me

In that action, I’m becoming stronger and stronger
And in that grounded strength, I can make the choice  to move in a different direction—and so instead of using my energy to struggle with thoughts and feelings, I am using it to create in ways that are true to me

And (not so) ironically, part of my purpose is  to get attention, in order to awaken and inspire others to live rich, full, vital lives created by what they want to stand for in Life
All the while empowering them in teaching them how to unhook from painful thoughts and feelings that inevitably  show up along the way as they live as the people they came here to be

And so I live the question:

What can I say and do to get attention, while also being True to me?

Ultimately, this isn’t about trying to get more attention by being vulnerable about my wanting attention!

It’s about living as the woman I want to be: a woman who infuses what she writes, says and presents visually with her values of courage, authenticity, integrity and connection

Creating from Presence and a place that’s True

Being the clearest form of who I Am 

And fully surrendering the outcome

~~Lauren Malloy

In-the-Moment With You

It began the moment we sat down and I unselfconsciously and eagerly met his gaze

As I talked, I was astounded once again by his full listening and presence

That action alone had more impact than any words he could have said

He didn’t interrupt
Or visibly indicate he was thinking about what to say next
Or try to impress me with words

His being-in-the-moment magnified my presence

And the turn-on that resulted from our connected conversation amplified as our bodies now joined our energy

I no longer experienced us through the filter of my mind

In the moment, every action was sublime
Each movement *felt* as if it was part of a predestined choreography created by something higher

Hypersensitive to the way our skin merged and then separated

Feeling every sensation ricochet through my body

We got higher than any drug could have taken us 

All the while his energy held me in ways his hands never could

His eyes remained locked with mine

The two of us enfolded within a bubble of Presence
 

We savored the sparkles of our coming together for hours afterward 

And stayed with the other in each moment,
Not judging the content of what was happening,
But enjoying the context
The bright, sweet, Now-ness

We danced in the moment with whatever was happening

Even when unexpected anger and pain swelled up

We used that rupture to penetrate the Present even more

For Life isn’t always filled with “good” moments

And yet as we experienced together, all moments can be filled with richness

Even being in that painful uncomfortableness, we experienced each nanosecond of it soaked in aliveness

As we held space for each other for what seemed like hours

We were blessed to experience the sweet release of letting go

Unleashing bound up energy, joy and relief

Which comes from having the courage to meet whatever moment is happening—in full, beautiful awareness

Never to be the same again ✨🔥✨ 

~~Lauren Malloy